Submission does not mean “door mat”, but instead means that one chooses to allow the other person to lead.  I like to think of it like rank in the Army—submission means that the authority belongs with another, and that I should obey what they have to say—even when I may have a different, and sometimes better, opinion.

However, did you know that there are 6 times when a wife should not submit to her husband?

It’s true, submission is not always the order, but we must be careful with these.  You see, there’s a balance that’s in Scripture, and it’s put there not simply because the requirements are equal, but because the sexes are wired differently.

What you will notice is that every time there’s a passage on the way that the husband and wife are to act in marriage that the wife is addressed first, and that the wife is told to submit and the man is told to love the wife.

Could this be a coincidence?

Perhaps “Ladies First” was a custom in the ancient times as well, but I think that the Holy Spirit guided these conversations because He knew what each spouse would have trouble with.

Wives, Submit and Respect

Spelled out in clear English, the command to the wife is to submit to her husband and to show him respect.  When we go back to the Garden of Eden to look in on Adam and Eve after the fall, we don’t see much respect—when Seth is born you can almost hear Eve say “behold, now I have a man from God” as a put down to her husband that she might still blame for not standing up to her in Eden.

The truth is that in Genesis 3:16 when God tells Eve of her new rank and relationship with her husband that it didn’t end the desire to be in charge right then.  And though many thousands of years have passed, there have always been women that have sought to usurp authority over men.

Which is why the Bible clearly states that women are to submit.  They are to rank under the man in the family structure.  This isn’t a position of inequality—both are equal before God.  But just as the President and the average American citizens are both citizens but one has more authority than the other, so a wife is to consider herself lower rank than her husband.

Furthermore, she is to respect him.  She is not to hold it against him that he is the leader.  She is not to cut him down when he is not around.  She is to give him what he needs—which is not only her support, but her respect.

Husbands, Love—as Christ Loved the Church

For some reason, women tend to think that this is lesser of a command than the one given to them.  That’s led, in my opinion, to many sermons that emphasize this love to the point of missing the meaning.

Yes, Christ loved the church enough to die for it.  Many men in good marriages would give their lives for their families.

The part in here that you should get is that this command is something that God knows the wife needs.  She needs his love—an emotional bonding between the two of them that he needs to invest in.

You see, he’s not naturally wired to love.  He may have feelings, but they are temporary.

What he needs to do is to actively show love to his wife.  So just like all the good blessings Christ bestows upon us, this is what he must do for her.  Just as Christ leads us along, so he must lead her.  Just as Christ patiently develops a relationship with us, so we must do so with her.

The Picture of Christ

Marriage is supposed to be a Picture of Christ.  You would never say that the Church should wait until it sees Christ love (perhaps in the number of members it gets, or a new projector or organ) before it submits and respects Christ—so just like that, the wife should unconditionally submit and respect her husband.

You know that Christ loved the church even when she was unlovely, and that He’s actively cleansing it to be his perfect bride.  So the husband should love the wife regardless of what sin she commits and whether or not she respects and submits to him.

However, both of these people should be doing these things!

Only then will all the needs be met and the family will function as God intended—both for blessing them and displaying God’s love to the world around them.

I guess we might as well start with the one that most women want to avoid! However,it?s one of the secrets so I can?t leave it out! We may not always like what God says but it?s the only way that works. Let?s find out more.

1) Submission is Biblical.

Many couples today believe they can get along doing things their own way, rather than standing on God?s truth. But man?s way doesn?t work. I listened to a preacher the other week who quoted the fact that the percentage of divorce amongst Christians is now higher than the world. How devastating! But this is the fruit of man?s ways.

You can read the Scriptures again: 1 Corinthians 7:3,4; 14:34b; Ephesians 5: 21-24; Philippians 2:6-10; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6. The word “submission” is “hupotasso”. It comes from two words ? “hupo” which means “under” and “tasso” which means, “to set in order.” Therefore it means, “to place in an orderly fashion under something.” Husbands cannot demand submission from their wives. We place ourselves under our husband?s protection and leadership “as unto the Lord.” It is something we do of our own accord, because we want to do His will.

2) Submission is a heart attitude.

Submission is not an outward act that we do under sufferance. It is a heart attitude. It is an attitude that is worked in us by the power of the Holy Spirit as we yield our will to the Lord. Most of us don?t learn this lesson easily but as we continually yield it becomes more a habit of our lives.

3) Submission is for our protection.

God did not devise submission to bring wives into bondage. No, it is for our blessing, protection and covering. God?s ultimate plan is for His female creation to be under protection throughout their entire lives ? under their father?s protection as a single person and then under their husband?s protection when they marry. We see an understanding of this in Numbers Chapter 30.

4) Submission is a kingdom principle.

The word “submit” does not belong in Satan?s kingdom. It is antipathy to everything that belongs to the kingdom of darkness. The key word in Satan?s kingdom is “independence.” It was the spirit of independence and “I?ll have it my way” that caused Satan to be cast out of heaven, and he continues to corrupt the world with this same spirit today. It may feel good at the time but independence always brings destruction. This is why we now have such an epidemic of divorce. On the other hand, submission may not feel very natural, but it is a principle of the kingdom of God. The reason it doesn?t feel natural to our flesh is because it is supernatural. It belongs to a kingdom of truth, light and holiness. Most of the time we don?t feel like submitting because it goes against our fleshly nature. However, as we die to the flesh and yield to the power of the Holy Spirit we will have the grace to submit. As we flow in this kingdom principle, we will walk in the power of the kingdom of God. God?s kingdom principles work and no others.

5) Submission is a picture of Christ and the church.

Does the bride of Christ order him around and tell him what to do? Does she wear the pants? Is not He head of the church? God planned for the marriage relationship to picture this truth to the world. Is our marriage a clear picture or distorted? Ephesians 1:20-23; Colossians 1:15-19; 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:22.

6) Submission wins the victory.

Submission is not weakness; it is power. Submission is for the mature. It is a three-year-old mentality to stamp your feet and demand your own way. Jesus Himself is the example. He sweat drops of blood as He anticipated His submission to His Father?s will. He cried, “Oh my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me: nevertheless not as I will, but as Thou wilt.” In submitting to the Father?s will He won the greatest victory in the universe. He redeemed a people. He won a bride. He won the victory over death, hell and Satan. When you are sweating it out, remember that you have not yet “resisted unto blood.” Matthew 26:39; Philippians 2:5-11; Hebrews 12:2-4.

7) Submission takes faith.

In 1 Peter chapter 3, we read the example of godly women who submitted to their husbands, even though their husbands were not Christians, and even at times when they were wrong. But these women had a secret. They exercised the grace of submission toward their husbands, but they trusted in God! Even when they couldn?t trust their husband?s decision, they trusted God. Dear wives; God is bigger than your husband! Remember that. When you think he is wrong and leading you down a wrong path, trust God. God will work for you as you put your trust in Him. Twice Sarah was taken into a harem, but she put her trust in the Lord and God delivered her!

When you walk in a spirit of submission, you will receive seven blessings in your life. You will have?

1) Sensitivity to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.
2) Serenity – Soul rest and peace in your heart. Matthew 11:28-30.
3) Security and Stability in your life.
4) Sweetness in your life.
5) Soundness of doctrine.
6) Strength of character. And you will be?
7) Saved from deception. 1 Timothy 2:14-15.

~Nancy Campbell~

It was pretty nerve wracking.? I only worked a part time job in my final year of high school, so when I went to college and knew that I would have to work to help pay my college bill, I was hoping to get a position doing Database entry.? The night that they announced the positions, I found that I was going to be placed in the Dining Common at BJU, and I was not looking forward to it.

Fortunately, I was placed in the serving area?as one of the guys that brought the food out of the warmers and placed it in the area to be served.? A job that gave me access to people as well as a chance to demonstrate my ability to get things done.

Robo-Linerunner

From day 1 I decided that I wanted to spend as little time as possible completing my job.? I wanted to get back to the dorm to do my homework?or anything but working.? I know, it goes against the idea of making money for your work, and some would say that I should have taken as long as possible to make the most money? it just isn?t how I?m wired.

So, from the first few days that I was trained, I was determined to look for ways to increase time.? I figured out the optimal pattern of bringing beverage carts to pick up and deliver to the beverage walls.? I constructed elaborate plans of when people would take breaks, what we?d do during slow times, and who was the most competent at each position.? I ran a quick line, and I even jumped in when I saw that someone didn?t show up.

I was told by one coworker at the end of the year that he and my other crew mate hated me at first because I was constantly telling them what to do, but they realized quickly that I knew what I was doing, and the whole team was being more efficient.? They liked that.

We were the fastest crew, and I was up for a manager spot, without knowing it.

Passed Over

But there was a hitch.

In the course of my freshman year, a manager in another part of the Dining Common asked me to do something, and I brushed him off.? I obviously had something that I deemed more important to do, and the hierarchical structure of the DC was not clear to me.? I thought that my manager was at a higher level than he was, when in reality he reported to the man that made the request.

When it came time to vote for student managers, I was high up in the list, but it had to be unanimous, and this manager voted no.

I was, however, given a premier job?working the Red Room and another job I really didn?t like?cleaning warmers?was removed.

I was also added to the Leadership Training class that was for campus student managers and spiritual leaders, even though I was neither an APC or a campus student manager.

The New Manager

However, this would have been fine, if it wasn?t for the fact that my next year was going to bring on a new manager above me?for my current manager that I really liked was going to take a lesser role in order to concentrate more on his life after the Dining Common?the life as a missionary.

So, a new manager was brought in to run the line runners/line servers, and guess whose job it was to train him.

Monogamy lasts in the Bible all of four chapters.? From the creation of Adam and Eve until this statement about Lamech in Genesis 4:19:

And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one [was] Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.

We are lead to believe that there were only marriages between one man and one woman.

What was the compelling reason to have two wives?? Insurance against sin:

And Lamech said unto his wives, Adah and Zillah, Hear my voice; ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech: for I have slain a man to my wounding, and a young man to my hurt.? If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold. ? Genesis 4:23-24

Lamech was proud.? He thought he was big stuff.? He believed that he was the best thing going.? And the weird thing here is that Adam and Eve were still having children at this point!? Just one verse later they have Seth.

Women as a Commodity

I attribute a lot of what happened to a woman?s place in the home to Lamech?s action here in Genesis 4.? He was the first to take two wives (which remember, at the time, would probably have been his cousins) and he also showed his contempt for God?s ways by killing another person (also probably his cousin) and he didn?t think it was that big of a deal.

This sets up what we see in the rest of the Old Testament?the pattern of women being looked at something to have, to bear children, as status, rather than as a companion, a help meet, or someone to build a life with.

Sarah and Rebekah

The notable exception is Sarah.? Sarah is the first wife that we really read anything about her as a person.? It is said of her that she made bad choices, that she laughed at the idea of Isaac, and that she?s someone that women should model.

Rebekah is also an interesting lady, where Isaac sends for someone that forsakes her family to join Isaac.? But both Isaac and his father both, when in the presence of the Egyptians, fail to trust God and claim that they?re related to their wives in order to protect them?still showing a bit of the ?ownership of women? that we saw in Lamech.

Women as Something to Work For

Jacob, though he had many wives, showed us that women are something that we should work for while emphasizing the point that women are commodities.

And yet he worked for them out of his love for Rachel.

But this is Getting Slightly Off Topic

Yes, it is.? But what I?m trying to show is how it changed from the perfect relationship to the imperfect ones.? Next time we?ll start looking at some relationships in the Bible and see what we can learn about the way a man can be a servant leader.