Submission does not mean “door mat”, but instead means that one chooses to allow the other person to lead.  I like to think of it like rank in the Army—submission means that the authority belongs with another, and that I should obey what they have to say—even when I may have a different, and sometimes better, opinion.

However, did you know that there are 6 times when a wife should not submit to her husband?

It’s true, submission is not always the order, but we must be careful with these.  You see, there’s a balance that’s in Scripture, and it’s put there not simply because the requirements are equal, but because the sexes are wired differently.

What you will notice is that every time there’s a passage on the way that the husband and wife are to act in marriage that the wife is addressed first, and that the wife is told to submit and the man is told to love the wife.

Could this be a coincidence?

Perhaps “Ladies First” was a custom in the ancient times as well, but I think that the Holy Spirit guided these conversations because He knew what each spouse would have trouble with.

Wives, Submit and Respect

Spelled out in clear English, the command to the wife is to submit to her husband and to show him respect.  When we go back to the Garden of Eden to look in on Adam and Eve after the fall, we don’t see much respect—when Seth is born you can almost hear Eve say “behold, now I have a man from God” as a put down to her husband that she might still blame for not standing up to her in Eden.

The truth is that in Genesis 3:16 when God tells Eve of her new rank and relationship with her husband that it didn’t end the desire to be in charge right then.  And though many thousands of years have passed, there have always been women that have sought to usurp authority over men.

Which is why the Bible clearly states that women are to submit.  They are to rank under the man in the family structure.  This isn’t a position of inequality—both are equal before God.  But just as the President and the average American citizens are both citizens but one has more authority than the other, so a wife is to consider herself lower rank than her husband.

Furthermore, she is to respect him.  She is not to hold it against him that he is the leader.  She is not to cut him down when he is not around.  She is to give him what he needs—which is not only her support, but her respect.

Husbands, Love—as Christ Loved the Church

For some reason, women tend to think that this is lesser of a command than the one given to them.  That’s led, in my opinion, to many sermons that emphasize this love to the point of missing the meaning.

Yes, Christ loved the church enough to die for it.  Many men in good marriages would give their lives for their families.

The part in here that you should get is that this command is something that God knows the wife needs.  She needs his love—an emotional bonding between the two of them that he needs to invest in.

You see, he’s not naturally wired to love.  He may have feelings, but they are temporary.

What he needs to do is to actively show love to his wife.  So just like all the good blessings Christ bestows upon us, this is what he must do for her.  Just as Christ leads us along, so he must lead her.  Just as Christ patiently develops a relationship with us, so we must do so with her.

The Picture of Christ

Marriage is supposed to be a Picture of Christ.  You would never say that the Church should wait until it sees Christ love (perhaps in the number of members it gets, or a new projector or organ) before it submits and respects Christ—so just like that, the wife should unconditionally submit and respect her husband.

You know that Christ loved the church even when she was unlovely, and that He’s actively cleansing it to be his perfect bride.  So the husband should love the wife regardless of what sin she commits and whether or not she respects and submits to him.

However, both of these people should be doing these things!

Only then will all the needs be met and the family will function as God intended—both for blessing them and displaying God’s love to the world around them.

What is the most important thing when it comes to getting married?  That two people are committed to loving each other and that they love each other.

It doesn?t matter the place, the time or those in attendance.  It?s all about a covenant between two people before God.

Crystal Newsome and Robert Vickrey decided that the right place for them was in the Wal-Mart Supercenter?s Lawn and Garden Department in York, Nebraska.

Though it may seem odd, it?s not that odd considering all the other types of weddings (from scuba diving to parachuting) that people have tried, and it had significance for the couple.  Their first kiss was in Wal-Mart.

What God hath put together, let no man put asunder!

Some of you may or may not know this, but I have another blog that seeks to help wives know what their husbands think and what they believe.  I?m currently going through a set of things that I believe hurt both spouses, and I?d like to highlight 5 things I believe that wives believe that they shouldn?t.

1. It?s Ok to Let Children Change The Relationship

Children definitely add a different dynamic to the household, but if you let them get in between you and your spouse, the odds are that it could create a rift that?s not easily healed.  Many couples let the children become their lives, and lose their identity in them.  When the children are gone, what happens is that there are two people that haven?t been growing together?not a good thing.

2. It?s Ok to Put Off Intimate Relations

Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together.  It?s meant to be the most secure of fastening material because it was meant for that relationship alone.  It?s also meeting his needs.  If you think that it?s ok to have a sexless marriage, then you have been deceived, and you?re encouraging him to look for meeting that need elsewhere.

3. It?s Ok if I Flirt

Flirting is a means of getting attention?it?s a way to tell someone you?re interested.  Whether you?re a man or woman, you should not be sending the wrong signals to the opposite sex!

4. Does He Still Find Me Hot?

If he hasn?t said that he thinks you?re sexy lately, it doesn?t necessarily mean that he?s found another woman.  Best to talk with him and see what?s going on.

5. A Family Vacation is the Only Type of Vacation

Think that the family vacation is the only type of vacation there is?  Sometimes there?s a lot to be gained from finding a sitter and going out on a second, third or fourth honeymoon.

If you?ve liked these, head on over to Lies Wives Believe and see what else is there!

It was eight years ago today that my wife and I got married?I remember that day very well.

We spent the night before getting the hall where we?d eat the reception all ready, before heading a half hour away for the rehearsal dinner.  That night, the guys all shared a room, and I got the roll-away.

The funny thing was the next morning.  Having packed my car for the honeymoon, I?d left all my toiletries in the car?back a half hour away!  So, we rushed back to the church to get the things I needed, and a half hour before the ceremony I?m in the men?s room, shaving.

That was about the time that my sister-in-law came around with the video camera asking if I had anything to say to my soon bride.  Needless to say, with half a face of shaving cream I should have said something, but I did not.

The service flew by, and we were off to the different places.  The hall we had for the reception had naked ladies in the men?s room?didn?t find that out until during the reception?and the whole bridal party decided that they thought it?d be more fun to spend time doing stuff to my car than to be in the actual reception!

On the way out of there to our hotel, I ended up passing it and trying to do a U-turn?and I ended up with a front wheel in a ditch and the opposite back wheel up in the air!

But it was a day I?ll never forget, and it was the beginning of a life with my wife that I?ll always cherish.

Remember the good times, focus on your love for each other, and practice kindness daily!

Happy Anniversary, My Darling.

One of the biggest lies that abounds when it comes to intimate relationships is that people believe that they are ok if they do not cross the intimate sexual relationship.  In the case of Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC), he has attempted to cast his infidelity as a love story, but this tragedy shows that it wasn?t something that happened once because ?I fell in love? but a string of romances that were pointing to what would eventually happen.

Part of the problem with any moral sin is that it rarely starts with the final act.  It?s something that takes place over a longer period of time.  Hence why Gov. Sanford can say the following:

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford said Tuesday that he "crossed lines" with a handful of women other than his mistress?but never had sex with them.

The governor said he "never crossed the ultimate line" with anyone but Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentine at the center of a scandal that has derailed his once-promising political career.

"This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story," Sanford said. "A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day." [Breitbart.com ? SC gov ?crossed lines? with women]

You see the pattern?he had had an emotional coupling, or expressed interest in at least a handful of women and for some reason they never went ?all the way?, but this last girl did.

This is a man that knew what he was doing was wrong, but both desired it and could justify what he was doing in his mind.  He knew he ?crossed lines? and he either stopped it or did not let it go on, but the fact that it happened multiple times should have been like a voice calling out for help.

He should have sought help?and perhaps he did.  Whether it was from his wife, his pastor, whomever?he knew he had a struggle, and it would be destined to bring him down.  Yet he did not seek out help.

How different this story would have been if he would have sought out that help.

How about you?  If you take inventory of your heart, where are your sins and are you seeking help?  Everyone has things that they fight against, sins that that so easily entangle them.  We?re supposed to show kindness to one another, to provide accountability and lift each other up.

Get help, go to prayer, and seek to make things right.  Repentance is not easy, but it is liberating.  Getting help to protect you from what can happen will strengthen you and help keep you from what could happen!

Barbara has a great list about marriage?speaking specifically about what a woman looks for in a husband as she passes different age milestones.

This lead me to an obvious set of questions:

• What is it that you looked for when you were out looking for a spouse?
• How does that compare to your current husband/wife?

In doing this exercise, there?s more to it than judging your spouse?but use it as an opportunity to look back on your relationship and see those things that you were not looking for but found.  What is it about your current spouse that you don?t remember wanting, but could now not stand to be without?

Because in many ways your spouse completes you in ways you aren?t even aware of until they are no longer there.

Take some time to spread some kindness to your spouse today for who they are, and how they meet or surpass your list!

If you?re a girl, or you?ve dated a girl, no doubt you?ve seen a chick flick.  All romance, sometimes partly comedy, these films are part of the reason that people believe what they do about marriage and love today.

They basically repeat this formula:

1. Boy meets girl.
2. Boy falls for girl.
3. Boy pursues girl.
4. Oh, watch out, here comes the plot twist where you think boy and girl will never get together.
5. Boy and girl kiss?and they live happily ever after.

Rinse and repeat.

All throughout this formula will be talk about love, feelings, and how those feelings translate into how this couple should get married.

For so long we?ve been lead to believe that the love that a couple has to have for each other is an emotional type love that it?s overgrown our society, and also lead to the logical end?people that believe they need to get divorced when the emotional feeling wanes.

We all need to be careful to avoid the effect of the chick flick.  Yes they are light and entertaining, and can even make us happy that we are married (if we are!), but the reality is that they are teaching and reinforcing a false premise.

Just like the effect the movie Enchanted had on Jenn Bacak?s daughter, Emma:

So my Emma is watching this movie, with every Disney princess rolled into one personified in this character. (Played very well too!) It starts out as animated, but becomes real life. It’s almost completely about finding true love, "true love’s kiss" which is said about 100 times, dating, and marriage.

I noticed during the movie, Emma was swooning, for lack of a better word.

She was intent on the "true love kisses" and this started the barrage of questions.

Fortunately Jenn had some good answers, but we all need to realize the effect of what we?re taking in, and know what it does to our worldview!

It is said that all it takes in one generation to totally remake a society.  In the case of America, over the past 100 years many have attempted to (and are succeeding in) remaking our nation into a godless society based on secular humanism.

It was actually very straightforward.  Our founding fathers knew that there was an importance in training our children in the Bible and the founding principles.  Every college on this continent founded at the time was founded with Christianity in its charter.

However, it?s not the responsibility of the school to teach the Bible?it?s the responsibility of the family, especially the father.

The Bible is quite clear on the subject.  In many passages, God tells us that when compared to learning about God and acquiring knowledge about him, everything else is worthless.  Paul tells us that he?d rather have Christ, and everything he learns he counts for loss that he may win Christ.

It?s not that we shouldn?t learn subjects, but that subjects are nothing if we don?t know the Bible.

However, many Christian families don?t realize that by sending their kids to public schools they?re not training them up in the Lord, but training them up in the worldview of the world.  They are learning how to think anti-biblically, and then we wonder why the kids leave church when they get the chance.  It?s that they haven?t grown up with a Christian worldview.

It?s important for us as parents to take responsibility for raising our children in Christ.  It?s the primary reason for having a family: to produce godly offspring.

Parents, we need make sure that we are fulfilling the godly purpose of having a family and that we?re training up our children as God says we should!