Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

Today’s Weekend Kindness mission will cost you something and you’ll have to have a loved one that reads the paper:

Place a love message in the “personal” section of the classified ads in your local paper.

Now, I’m not sure what kind of ad you’d have to put in there to get your loved one’s attention.  Perhaps a picture of the two of you in the comics– hmm… that might be too corny.

If you put it in the Personal’s section and he finds it there, that could be a sign that trouble is brewing.

Perhaps the best place is somewhere that you know she is reading already and then put something that will attract attention– with lots of hearts, Xs and Os or something.

In any case, let them know that you’re feeling loved.

This is something every one of you can do.  So I’m expecting some degree of creativity!

Hide little love notes in the car, a coat pocket, or desk.

When I did this type of thing, I actually went out and got heart shaped sticky notes to place all throughout the house while my wife was away.  For days she was finding the notes and keeping a running tally– I would tell her how many were left for her to find.

One took her months to find!

This works well in the lunches that he takes to work, placing things in cars or under salt shakers– and works best if it’s a surprise.

So, get writing!

We all do it. We all react when our needs aren’t being met, but what are we reacting to? Being a woman who found love later in life, I’ve gone through many cycles of friends getting married or having significant relationships. I’ve listened to many friends who’ve gone through the “crazy cycle” time and time again. For the past several months, I’ve been musing through Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect. It’s an amazing book and I would recommend it to any new couple, engaged couple or husband and wife teams.

This book hit the nail on the head when it comes to continual conflict in your most precious, sacred relationships. I don’t want to give away the whole book but in case you don’t have time to pick it up to read it I’d like to review a few of the many points, giving credit to the doctor himself.

What is The Crazy Cycle?
“Craziness is when we keep doing the same thing — again and again — with the same ill effect. Marital craziness is when we do the same thing — over and over — with the same negative results. I call it the Crazy Cycle. When hurt and frustrated, we continue reacting in negative ways to motivate our spouse to be positive.” (taken from http://www.family.org/marriage/A000001383.cfm)

How do we stop the crazy cycle?
Dr. Eggerichs states, “based on Ephesians 5:33, I discovered why a husband and wife react the way they do. We read, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV).

He continues saying that “because a wife needs love, a husband would be wise to assume his wife’s negative reaction is rooted in her feeling unloved. On the other hand, because a husband needs respect, a wife would be prudent to assume her husband’s negative reaction is rooted in his feeling disrespected”
(taken from http://www.family.org/marriage/A000001384.cfm).

It was almost like a bell went off as I’ve been reading through Dr. Eggerichs’s book. SR and I have an amazing relationship and rarely get into “the crazy cycle”. However, I know we’re young in our life-long, God-given relationship and I am so glad to have read this book so early on.

Some take-aways, your pride needs to take a back seat to your relationship and to the person you’ve committed your life to AND you need to be the change you desire. If you’re more concerned with being right or getting the last word you’ll continually stay in the crazy cycle; this may mean a softer tongue. I know it takes “two to tango” but in order to thwart the crazy cycle you might need to first remove the log from your own eye.

It’s a great book; pick it up, check-it out but make sure to read it!

Today’s Weekend Kindness mission should be a piece of cake– or I should say a piece of pie, or a jar of jam, hmm…

Buy favorite fruits that aren’t in season, like a basket of strawberries or blueberries.

This idea works on all sorts of levels.

• Fruits are a great source of natural sugar.
• Eating fresh fruit is better than drinking 100% fruit juice!
• Fruits taste great!

And then there’s the whole thing about doing something for the person you love that they will enjoy and will know that you’re thinking about them!

So, today’s Weekend Kindness mission will stretch you if you have any degree of shyness!

Make a big sign such as: “I Love You, Kristi. Love, Joe” and put it in front of your house or her apartment complex for the world to see.

Yes, that’s right– some things are best said where all can see.  I mean, you may be the kind of person that proposed on the Jumbotron, or in a crossword puzzle, but have you done anything in a big way to say “I love you!”?

Another way you can do this, if you’re not ones for big messages, is to adopt a pattern like in the one in the story about SHMILY — See How Much I Love You.  If you read this story it’s sure to touch your heart, and you’ll realized just how much fun this can be!

When I was in college I spent a few of my summers at Csehy Summer School of Music in Philadelphia, PA as a counselor.  My musical instrument was primarily my voice, though I do play some piano now (and the going joke was that I could play any instrument if someone would give me lessons!).

Anyway, we had different days to do different goofy things, and this one day we had a clash day (or weird hair, I’m getting old…) and the winners of the day (one guy and girl) were going to be treated to a fancy dinner in the other room served by “Garcon” which turned out to be yours truly dressed up like a waiter.

Today’s Weekend Kindness reminds me a little of this, since I got a person to come play violin for the couple while they were eating.

Arrange for someone to sing a favorite love song to you and your love when you’re together.

Of course, the more famous version of this is in the movie It’s a Wonderful Life where they sing outside the window in the rain, but this could work in most places– just make sure that you’re comfortable with who is around when the song is sung.  (You also might want to verify that the person you get can actually sing!)

Here’s one that’s going to take some talent:

Compose a love song.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t know that I’ve ever composed a song, let alone a love song.

Now, I’ve come up with a lot of poetry in my time– nothing that I’d like to duplicate here!  When my wife and I were dating we each got a notebook for each other and we wrote things to each other in it and we swapped them to read them after we got married.  I wrote lots of rhyming stuff in there for her (I’m not really good at the non-rhyming poetry).

And I’ve also come up with a few ditties– but I mostly play things I know with improvisation.  I think I may have come up with two or three true songs in my lifetime, but many were repetitive and were about Lego figures.

But in any case, for those of you out there that want to do something really special, put the time in and give it a try.  Regardless of how it comes out I’m sure they’ll be pleased!