Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

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I didn’t even see it coming.Daniel and I had met in early April on the internet. Never thought we’d develop more than a friendship, but really enjoyed talking to each other about our faith and theological matters. We met in person on April 24, 2004 and hit it off right away. The close, Christ-centered friendship we’d enjoyed soon turned into a romance.I was just finishing a year sabbatical from dating, so Daniel and I had to wait until June 1 to truly become boyfriend and girlfriend. On the last three days of my sabbatical, we fasted and prayed, asking God for direction about each other. We wanted to be sure He meant the two of us to be together before we ever started dating. On June 1, we broke our fast at Old Chicago and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. On the first of every month, we celebrate by having lunch or dinner at Old Chicago.A few weeks later, Daniel got some free passes to Six Flags, so he treated our family to a day out. I knew that part of his plan was to pull my dad aside and ask for my hand in marriage. (Yeah, we moved fast. But God was so definitely in it!) It wasn’t going to be hard to get alone with my dad, as they’re the only two people in my family who like roller coasters.My mom and brother joined me in line for the Spider, while my dad and boyfriend headed to the Sidewinder. They were only gone for a few minutes when they’d returned, lamenting the fact that the ride was closed. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
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So the kids are on the mend, and that means that I’ll be able to spend more time keeping everything up and running (I know, a sigh of relief everywhere!)

However, I have been busy.  I updated MInTheGap to WordPress 2.3, gave it a new theme, and have been doing short posts over there.  This blog should be getting some TLC as far as WordPress 2.3 and I actually have some neat ideas for how to organize it more like a magazine with sections where bloggers can have specialities– but more on that later….

It’s that time again– time to look at what’s going on in the marriage world and get some links.

What Wasn’t Said

What an interesting post.  Amy, the writer of this post, admonishes us that it is the older Christian women’s job to admonish the younger (specifically the bride-to-be) on the details of sex– it’s what she believes is left out of bridal showers:

The more we talk openly about sex in its biblical context, and in a discreet manner, the more comfortable it will become and the more young women will think of it in a proper light.

Some people might also object to single, unengaged women being present during sex talks. But at an all-female bridal shower, with Christian women present, I submit that this is an excellent forum for young girls to develop a healthy and correct attitude towards human sexuality as God intended it. If girls are old enough to go to a shower, they are old enough to hear about sex. As one friend put it, we live in an age where 11-year-old girls get pregnant.

The bottom line is this: If older, wiser Christian women don’t inform a young woman’s views on sexuality, the world is ready and anxious to do it for them.

Marriage Without Children

Our modern culture has given us the concept of the childless marriage– a marriage in which the couple intentionally does not have children.  Jess asks her readers what they think of this, and in this follow-up post she answers what she thinks.

[T]o be deliberately childless simply for reasons of our own ease, desire, or plans, I believe, is simply NOT an option for a Christian marriage.

You’ll have to read the whole thing to get the entire flavor.

Crossword Puzzle Solved With a Hitch

Another neat way to propose:

Aric Egmont and Jennie Bass were working on a puzzle titled “Popping the question” in the latest issue of The Boston Globe Sunday magazine. Bass spotted her sister’s name and her best friend’s name, but initially thought it was just a coincidence.

Then they got to 111 across: “Generic proposal” (Jen + Aric generic). The answer: “Will you marry me?”

“We get to the `Will you marry me?’ clue, and I said, `Will you marry me, Jenny?’ I got up, got the ring, and got down on one knee and she screamed, and hugged me. It took her a minute to say yes,” Egmont told the Globe.

U.S. Divorce Rate Lowest Since 1970

Whether this is because of the increase in couples living together, or people staying faithrul to each other, the rate of divorce is at its lowest point since 1970.  However, there is cause for concern if this is because of the increase in cohabitation:

“Cohabitation is very fragile, and when unmarried parents split, for the child it might as well be a divorce,” Fagan said. “Among those who are marrying there’s increased stability, but overall the children of the nation are getting a rawer and rawer deal from their parents.”

Without a doubt, it is better for children that parents stay together– whether the marriage is rocky or not.

One in Three Women is Still Single at Age of 35

This coincides with the last link– women are choosing to remain unmarried at a higher rate than ever before.

The downward trend corresponds with an increase in women following careers, the rising cost of buying a home and the growing acceptance of couples simply living together.

The cost of having a family also seems to have had an effect, as parents struggle to afford childcare and a mortgage.

Analysts believe the introduction of tax credits to the benefit system since 1999 has dissuaded many from marrying, as they favour single mothers.

Figures show a couple with children must earn £50,000 a year between them before they are better off than if they lived apart.

I put the emphasis on both these things and the increase in sexual permissiveness– if there doesn’t have to be a covenant between a man and a woman to have intimate relations, then there are fewer incentives for them to marry.

It’s time once again for more Marriage Related Links here at Weekend Kindness:

A Match Made on Earth

Should a believer marry a non-believer?  Biblically the answer is no and the article says as much:

Christians generally trace the prohibition against dating nonbelievers to this passage from 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” But many young evangelicals wonder whether there might be exceptions. An advice column in Today’s Christian Woman tackles the question, “Is it a sin to marry a non-Christian?” And a Christian teen magazine called Brio advises girls on “what to do if someone you know is missionary dating.”

It goes on to explore the realm of “missionary dating” and has solemn words from a non-Christian perspective:

Mr. Wilcox says, in effect, don’t count on it: “Promises to convert or to attend church with a spouse on Sunday are often broken after the wedding day, once the romantic bloom is off.”

Christian Parents: What do you Teach Your Children About Marriage?

This article by Jess (a contributor here at Weekend Kindness) asks us where our priorities are when it comes to marriage and what values we are giving to our children:

I believe we Christians have taken on the world’s priorities in this area, and our children and their marriages will suffer if we do not look at God’s perspective on marriage and family and adjust our views accordingly. These institutions (and not financial stability or educational achievement) were given to us by God as primary means of our sanctification and growth. We do wrong when we give our children priorities that line up more with those of the world than those of the Bible.

What Do Americans Think About Marriage?

Maggie Gallagher talks about a recent survey and looks at what Americans think about marriage.

The next generation is persuaded that children need a mom and a dad. They are less convinced that marriage is the key to giving children that gift. Closing that loop in the mind of young adults is the key to marriage’s — and children’s — future.

America realizes that unwed moms having kids is a problem, now they need to recognize a loving, committed marriage relationship as the solution.

Close Encounters of the Engaged Kind

The Wall Street Journal looks at a new movie starring Robin Williams and compares it to real Pre-Nuptial courses.  Though it makes the side comment that those who are going to take the classes are usually those that will remain married, it does take a positive look at different courses and the reasons behind them.

“Up until you break that glass, you can walk away,” said Rabbi Address, citing a symbolic part of Jewish marriage ceremonies. “But once you are married, there’s a whole new universe. The challenge is to translate the blush of love into to the little things of real life years later.”

Key to good marriage? Share housework

So says a new poll:

The Pew Research Center survey on marriage and parenting found that children had fallen to eighth out of nine on a list of factors that people associate with successful marriages — well behind “sharing household chores,” “good housing,” “adequate income,” a “happy sexual relationship” and “faithfulness.”

And that wraps up today’s edition of Marriage Links.  Stay tuned next time!

How are you spending your weekend this weekend?  We’re out with my inlaws spending the entire weekend– so, as you can imagine, this was written before I left!

So, this will be me first links post from this site– where I share some of the links to things that I found interesting in the Marriage category, and give you some of my thoughts.

From Dreadlock to Wedlock

This is a great, Bible based post about what it means to get married.  I took some of these items for inspiration for the Godly Husband series I did a while back.  Take a look!

The devastation of adultery

Holly talks about just what adultery does to a relationship between two people. 

But first and foremost – I want to urge you, if you are married, to be a faithful spouse. If you are a husband, I strongly remind you of your duty to love your wife – more than yourself.

If you are a wife, I remind you to give of yourself to your husband, in every way. Make it your task to find out how he feels loved, and then make it a priority to fulfill him.

Sober words that we should all take to heart.

Why a happy marriage is the best stressbuster of all

This author encourages us with the following:

Forget massages, hot baths and soothing music - the key to beating stress is as simple as a happy marriage.

Research shows that being in a loving relationship makes it easier to cope with the stresses and strains of working life.

Do you find your marriage as a place of refuge or as a stress inducer?  On the whole, there’s a lot of strength to be gained from your relationship with your spouse– but you have to put the time in to make it a happy marriage!

The Marriage ABC’s

Anna listed the ABC’s of marriage.  Literally.  She took each letter of the alphabet and described something about marriage:

• Adaptability - Cultivate a taste for each other’s interests.
• Belief - Trust one another.
• Children - Be of one mind on the subject.
• Devotion - Don’t be sparing with love.
• Entertainment - Keep each other amused and interested.

How do you do on these?

Premarital Primer

Jess talks about what to do before you get married, and her key piece of advice is to talk!

The main thing I would tell any engaged couple is this: TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!! If something comes to your mind, you might as well talk it through! You’ll never be sorry that you discussed something in advance of making the biggest human commitment of your life.

That’s it for now!  Get reading and building your relationships!