Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

Sacrificial love has transforming power. Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. It if is, so much the better; but if it isn’t, the commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised. Conversely, it is not only possible but necessary for a loving person to avoid acting on feelings of love. I may meet a woman who strongly attracts me, whom I feel like loving, but because it would be destructive to my marriage to have an affair, I will say vocally or in the silence of my heart, “I feel like loving you, but I am not going to.” My feelings of love may be unbounded, but my capacity to be loving is limited. I therefore must choose the person on whom to focus my capacity to love, toward whom to direct my will to love. True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision. 

Dr. M. Scott Peck

One of the most popular posts read on MInTheGap has to do with the question “What to say when someone dies“. I believe that this is because this is one of the most difficult times in anyone’s life, facing the loss of a loved one.

I was once seated on an airplane on the way back from college next to someone that was on their way home for a funeral. It was difficult for me to be of comfort because I believe that if someone dies without accepting Jesus Christ as Savior then the person is destined for eternal separation from God.

Regardless, it was difficult to know what to say because the loss to this woman was very real. The same loss that I felt (if different in quantity) when I lost my grandfather last year. You miss the person, what they did, who they were and there’s a hole that is not easily filled.

This past weekend, our neighbors lost their oldest male patriarch. It started with the ambulance and fire truck whizzing by (someone must have called 911). It was too late– we later found out that the man had died in his son’s arms.

We could have pretended not to see what had happened. But, spurned on by the sermon about being a Good Samaritan, and looking for ways to minister, my wife has offered and will be making a meal for them.

How about you? Do you have someone that you know that has recently lost a loved one? How about a widow or widower? Someone that may be missing someone in their lives within the past year?

Why not be a source of encouragement this week and send them a card, offer to make them a meal, schedule some time to sit down and talk, say a little prayer for them, or all of the above. We need to be there for those that lose loved ones– we need to give the comfort that we have received in our time of loss.

It is true that our society is trying to make us into islands that exist independently.  If it isn’t the cell phone in places where you may have had conversation with strangers (like airports, trains, etc.) it’s the way that our lives are centered around watching things that are not conducive to conversation.  We all still get together, but we don’t know what to talk about so we turn on the television.

To counteract this phenomenon, we need to use kindness and reach out to those around us.  Although I don’t agree that we are all a bit diving, Emerson Essex hits this point on his myspace blog:

However, to a large degree people have lost the ability to take communion with others, or they simply choose not to use it. It is this failure to connect with others that leads to the overwhelming feeling of separateness, which is the cornerstone for many, and perhaps most of the problems facing mankind today.

The solution to this dilemma is simple. It is easier than you might think to re-connect with others. Simply take the time to share a moment with those around you. Ask the girl running the cash register at the supermarket how she is doing. Share a story with the guy standing beside you. Or just smile and say hello to the people you pass in the hall or on the sidewalk. You might be surprised at how much such simple acts of kindness can open doors and tear down the walls that separate us.

If we want to make differences in people’s lives, we’re going to have to reach out to them.

Was there ever a time in your life where you found it easy to be kind?  I found that those times that I just started dating a girl it was really easy to be kind to her.  I think that this highlights the idea that being kind is something we choose, but is also something that goes hand in hand with how we feel toward people.

Showing kindness to someone will have a positive impact on both you and them because it will force you to think of someone else first.  Sometimes it’s easy– being kind to someone you like.  Sometimes it is difficult– being kind to someone who has wronged you.

It may sound simple, but sometimes families need to be the recipients of kindness almost as much as those around us.  For one thing, they are the ones that do more for us than almost anyone else in this life.  They do a lot of things because they want to and some because they have to.  There’s a lot of things that they do that we take for granted.

In some cases, what we do for family will be noticed by others and will have great effects– as in the Biblical story of Ruth presented to us on Ruth’s myspace blog:

But Ruth’s reputation preceded her. Boaz, a wealthy farmer and kinsman, knew about her kindness to her mother-in-law and about her willingness to come to a foreign land. Boaz noticed Ruth gleaning in his field one day and inquired about her. The workmen explained who she was and added that she had worked with little rest since early morning. Her work ethic gave her favor in Boaz’ sight, and he asked her to glean only in his field, staying close to the other women. He made sure she went home with ample grain.

Boaz looked well upon Ruth because she was a hard worker and showed kindness to her mother-in-law.  We never know who will see us and our kindness (not that that is the reason that we should do it!), but we make an impact on more people than just the object of our kindness– we show a good example.

Kindness and love go hand in hand– and love must occasionally point out a problem that exists.  It would not be kind to let someone continue to be caught in a trap.  Being kind would necessitate us helping the person get out.

People today are caught in all sorts of traps and addictions.  There are those that are addicted to smoking or drugs.  There are also those addicted to television, video games, or accumulating money.

Do we take the time to be kind to these people and approach them with their problem in a spirit of love? 

Won By One quotes from the Bible on her myspace page:

Rom 11:22 (NIV) Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off.

In this passage, God is saying that He is kind because He provided a way of escaping punishment, but people are still headed that way.

If we know someone who is caught in an addiction, or there is something in their life that they need to get right, it’s only the kind thing to do to confront them in a loving way.

You never know what a well timed joke or other little act of kindness will do to the person on the receiving end.  In some cases, like that detailed by ERIU0612 on her myspace blog, some instant messaging with someone is something that she’ll never forget:

I was very sick this past 24 hours and someone who I have just made friends with who is about 2000 miles away did something so selfless that I was reminded how simple kindness really has the power to heal. This person instant messaged with me sending jokes, funny cartoons, music clips and more. It was the perfect way to help me forget about my fever while sucking down gatorade to the tunes of Mary J. Blige and in the end my fever broke. Amazingly enough, this was a man who did not ask me to flash him my gifts or stand and give a spin in front of the webcam or anything of the sort. Just a little laughter, a lot of kindness and good ole fashioned manners… Imagine that happening online today between two people of the opposite sex?!?!
As for the future, at the least I have met someone kind who I will always remember helping me out one night when I just needed a friend.

Are you the kind of person that is showing others kindness?  Then you’re having a far greater impact than you thought!  They say that laughter is good medicine.  I believe that kindness is as well.