Happy birthday to MInTheGap!  You, through this blog and others, have touched many lives and today is a celebration of how God has designed you to be a leader in His kingdom.

“Happy Birthday! I hope that the next year is even better than the last one. May God abundantly bless you until your cup overflows. Knowing you this past year (or however long it’s been) has been both inspiring and a blessing. Thank you. I hope you have fantastic birthday cake!” ~Amanda

“MInTheGap,

I just want to wish you a very happy birthday!  It is a great day! (my b-day too).  I just want you to know that I have enjoyed getting to know you here in blogland!  I wish you a very happy and blessed birthday!  May the Lord continue to work great things in your life!” ~Kristine aka MamaArcher

 

“MIn, thanks for being dedicated to pouring into other believers.  You’ve been used to give wisdom and encouragement to so many people including myself.  Thank you for letting yourself be a vessel of God’s grace to others.” ~AG

Claudia, this is J. I’m getting married!

J, I am so excited for you! How did he ask?

The conversation was short. It was late and we would talk tomorrow when I went to meet with J for our weekly Bible study.

J was my best friend. She taught me about Christ and was even more excited than I when I accepted him as my personal Lord and Savior. We’d been friends for a long time, but she had been a Christian much longer than I had and I wanted the joy that she had in her life.

The next day I went to work then stopped at J’s for Bible study. Since we were both single, we met weekly for Bible study together then I would stay overnight at her house and leave for work in the morning.

The conversation started off with all the excitement with which it ended the night before. She was my best friend and she was getting married. She was also a single mom who desired God’s will more than anything. She had been single for a while and was raising her young son alone. She was beautiful, she was full of life, and now she was getting married.

The more we talked, though, the more I felt in my heart that I had to tell her what was on my heart. After all, she was my best friend and I couldn’t bear to see her get hurt.

You see, she had gone out with this man, Mr. Right, for the first time the week before. She had known of him through church activities, but she had only gone out with him twice and had never even spoken to him before that for all I knew. How could she possibly consider marrying him?

The conversation quickly turned cold. She knew this was God’s will for her and I knew (or thought I knew) that it couldn’t possibly be. In my months of knowing God, I was sure He didn’t work that fast, not when it came to something as important as marriage.

After feeling the ice fill the air, the conversation stopped abruptly. We were at an impasse and she had not seen the error of her ways.

Even though I had the urge to leave the house, to walk out the door and let us both think it over a while, I knew that if I walked out the door I would never see her again. In one moment, I would lose my best friend and any hope of having her in my life.

The air was still icy, but somehow she managed to not throw me out of the house. Maybe she felt the same as I did: if I left, we would never see each other again.

I must have slept soundly, because sometime after I feel asleep she called Mr. Right and he came to the house. They sat in his car in the garage and she told him what I had said. She didn’t understand how I could not be happy for her.

He comforted her and told her that I was right for being concerned about her. He could understand that I would want the best for her and I was only speaking up because I loved her so much.

To make a long story short, I still thought for a while that she was making a mistake, but I also knew that if I was going to be her friend, I had to support her in whatever decision she made.

J decided to go through with the wedding. The engagement was not much longer than the 7 days they dated. Three or four months after that fateful night, I stood with J as one of her bridesmaids and vowed to support her and Mr. Right as long as they both shall live.

More than 20 years later, Mr. and Mrs. Right are still together. They are very happily married and have shared life’s joys and sorrows as do all married couples.

What’s more, J is still my best friend and she truly knows how much I love her because I cared enough to tell her when I thought she was making a decision that would hurt her and I stood by her when she was convinced she was right, because that’s what friends do.

But anyway, I’m not sure what to think of this concept.  On the one hand it sounds like a great idea.  The holidays are stressed as it is, and one of the biggest stresses is where you will end up for which holiday.  If you could streamline the whole giving thing to match up when the whole family was around you’d spread out the gift buying (last minute would now be in November instead of December) and whole families would have it easier when it comes to getting together.

Would that confuse the holidays, though?  Would we still be able to be thankful if we knew we were getting goodies?

Recently, a friend of mine, whom, incidentally, I haven’t seen since 5th grade, sent me a letter. Over the years our correspondence has dwindled, but we still manage to exchange Christmas cards and the occasional newsy letter. Pictures of the kids, details of life, chatty idealisms.

This missive delivered on all the above counts, so much so, that it lifted my spirits as a mini-care package would have.

It also contained three of her family’s favorite recipes–perfect ones for autumn cozies. I wanted to share one of them with you, and encourage you to sit down with a few lovely pages of stationary and the friend of your heart. It will do you both good…to know, that across the miles, someone is thinking of them and taking a few moments to let them know.

Wendy’s Pumpkin Soup

1. Melt 2 TB butter or margarine in a large kettle
2. Add 1/4 cup chopped bell pepper (optional) and 1 small chopped onion
3. Saute bell pepper and onion in melted butter till soft, not brown
4. Blend in 2 TB flour and 1 tsp salt
5. Add 2 cups chicken stock, 1 15 oz can unsweetened pumpkin, 2 cups milk, 1/8 tsp thyme, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, 1 tsp parsley, 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce, 1 1/2 cups precooked poultry (chicken or turkey), 1 cup precooked brown rice.
6. Cook till heated through and enjoy!

I’ve made this three times already–we love this recipe.

And each time we sit down to this specialty, I wonder perhaps, several states away, if my good friend Wendy is dishing it up for her loved ones?

A close friend is someone who knows you as you are and loves you anyway; therefore, it is impossible to build a deep and meaningful relationship if you never let your would-be friend get past the defensive walls you have erected to shield you from pain. (I am speaking from my own experience.) This applies to all relationships but is particularly pertinent to marriage.

To build a strong marriage, you must allow your spouse access to the “real” you. When you make yourself vulnerable enough for someone to see behind the facade you so often wear for others’ benefit, you also allow that person access to tender areas that are prone to be hurt. You didn’t get married because you wanted to live with a stranger. Most dreams of marriage center around a close, loving relationship where you are allowed to be yourself within the safe confines of your relationship with your spouse. Sadly, being human, your spouse is guaranteed to hurt you at some point in time and more than once. (Just a thought: you are also guaranteed to hurt your spouse.)

When that happens, it is easy to think (or act), “This hurts too much, and it’s not worth the risk to make myself vulnerable to this person. I’ll forgive, but I’m not letting myself be hurt like that again!” The walls come up, communication declines, and the marriage suffers. If you never tear down the walls, the loving closeness of marriage can quickly disintegrate into the polite distance of two strangers sharing a house.

Have you erected walls in your relationships? How about in your marriage? I know I have, and I have committed myself to tearing down those walls. I realize that I will almost certainly suffer pain because of that vulnerability, but I am willing to pay that price to have the relationships I want to have. I hope you are, too, for life without close friends, life without a close marriage, is guaranteed to be lonely.

P.S. If you are not sure how to go about bringing down the walls you have erected, I suggest you begin by reading the following excellent posts here at Weekend Kindness:

• A Crash Course in Bible Communication – Part 1
• The Time Is Now