Finding a spouse is a very important topic. Most youth don’t realize the importance of this topic or understand the steps that need to be taken to find a spouse. My mom has taught me a lot on this issue.

My desire is to follow the Lord and trust in his plan. At this point in my life, I honestly don’t know if I want to get married. If the Lord has someone for me to marry then I will follow him in that. If I get married these are the steps I will take.

First of all, I will court and not date. If someone asks me to go on a date with them I will simply say that I do not date. If they are interested they must speak to my father.

Secondly, before I enter into a courtship I will pray with my parents about it and ask for their guidance. I know this sounds like I am saying this because that’s how it is supposed to work. That is not the case; this is how I want it to be.

Thirdly, after accepting, if that is what God is leading us in, we would talk about how the house is to be run and what it is that we will believe as a family. We would discuss things such as financial handling, schooling, jobs, where the wife should be during the day, what God says concerning having children, and so on. Beliefs are something that must be taken seriously or your relationship will fall apart.

Fourth, if God is still leading in the direction of marriage there should be serious prayer.

Let me share my standards. The person must be a Christian. They must be respectful and honest. They must stay pure until marriage. They must love me and not look to any other. Their apparel is also important, the must dress modestly. This is to avoid attracting others’ attention just so they will want to know them because they are cute or handsome. In Matthew 5 it says if you look at someone with lust you commit adultery. They must have a relationship and be walking with the Lord. They can’t just say they are a Christian. They must want to get closer to the Lord.

One thing we must remember us that our spouse isn’t going to be perfect. If you wait for a perfect person you will be waiting your entire life. You will always be single. For the Bible says that all have sinned.

Like I said before, I don’t know if I will ever marry, I probably will. It is up to the Lord and if he wants me to marry I will follow him. If he tells me to stay single I will. It is up to the Lord and I will be content with his will for my life.

At 13 years old, I went through a True Love Waits class and wore a purity ring. I decided to save my first kiss until marriage. I was made fun of many times for that decision. My friends would ask me, ?But what if you marry a guy and he turns out to be a bad kisser?? I?ve also heard people say that you don?t buy a car without test-driving it first, so why would you get married without a little test-run? ?Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.? Matthew 5:8, 10-12. Because of my stand for purity, I was able to witness to the people I went to school with and I will be rewarded for my perseverance. G. K. Chesterton was a great Christian who said, ?Jesus promised his disciples three things: that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in constant trouble.?

When I was 17 I started dating a great guy. He was a good, Christian guy and he treated me really great, but I got bored with him. He gave me his heart and I didn?t respect that, so I started getting involved with my best friend?s boyfriend. I didn?t kiss him and we didn?t have sex, but because I gave my heart to him I was lying to my best friend, my boyfriend, my parents, myself, and I tried to lie to God. Finally, I broke up with my boyfriend so I could be with this other guy. We were horrible for each other. I was taking college classes in the evenings and I actually failed them because I?d ditch class to spend time with him. What a stupid decision!

While we were dating, a friend and I went to Teen Mania Ministry?s Acquire the Fire. That year?s theme was ?Crush the Crush.? They challenged us to take a year off from dating to focus on school and our walk with God. My friend made that commitment and asked me to be her accountability partner, but I didn?t think it?d be fair to break up with my boyfriend like that so I didn?t make that commitment. My friend and I were talking a few months later and I just got this feeling that my boyfriend was going to break up with me. I told her that if he did, I?d join her on a year off from dating. Not even a half hour later, he called and broke up with me. So, I started taking a year off from dating.

I was still just as foolish as before. Even though I didn?t ?date? any boys, I still flirted with boys. I was even someone?s secret admirer! I wasn?t focusing on God too well. I got bored one day while I was online, so I signed up for an account on a personals site. I told myself that I just wanted some people to talk to. I made sure my bio said that I?d only talk to Christians, I was in the middle of a year off from dating, and I wouldn?t kiss anybody until I was their wife. Still, I talked to a bunch of attractive men and almost dated one.

He was a student at the Air Force Academy, a Christian, and would have made a great husband. We were thinking and praying about dating once my year was over. God told me no, but I didn?t listen to Him. I wanted this man worse than I wanted to listen to God, so, even though he was a great man, he was too important to me and he had to go. Finally, I gave that desire up to God. In the past, God had to slam every door in my face and I would stand there, longing for what was on the other side. Finally, I?d give up and move on. If I had done that, I would have missed the best thing God had in store for me. Instead, God asked me to trust Him and, when I did, he took the desire away instead of shutting the door. I was able to move on without looking back. The great thing is that I know I could have been happy with this guy. We could have had a good marriage, good children, and a good life together. But, with Daniel, I have a great marriage and a great life! I was ready to settle, but God had something much better!

When Daniel and I started thinking about dating, we decided to ask God to be the King of our love story. We even gave Him the right to take our relationship away if it was His will. Daniel was trying so hard to be the man of God I deserved and so he even asked my parents if he could have their permission to date me.

The consequences of Daniel?s actions caught up with us just as we thought we had the perfect love story: When Daniel was younger he didn?t know how important it was to save his body for marriage. There were some times he didn?t even get through a week without having sex. While we were dating, one of the girls he?d had sex with called him and told him that he gave her Chlamydia. She said it had to be him because he was the only guy she?d had sex with and not used a condom.

Daniel went to get tested and, praise God, the test came up negative. His doctor told him that condoms don?t do a think against STDs. Even though Daniel tested clean, we began thinking about STDs. Since HPV is the most common STD and there?s no test for men, the only way we?d know if he had it was if we got married and I tested positive! That really scared me. Daniel almost broke up with me because he couldn?t bear the thought of watching me die from a disease he gave me. Before we broke up, though, we gave it up to God again. He told us to stay together so we did. We work for a really big God and even if Daniel had an STD, God has my best interest at heart. He may protect me from getting it or allow me to get it in order to reach people better.

Daniel proposed to me and we got married. My first kiss was as the pastor said, ?You may kiss the bride.? What a kiss that was! People were afraid that I?d make a fool of myself on my wedding day if I didn?t know how to kiss, but we had an awesome kiss because we waited! People also said that sex would be weird because I wouldn?t know how to do it on my wedding night. They were wrong! Sex isn?t about having the right moves or impressing your partner. It?s about trusting them and being close to them, which we were.

One thing that really helped me stay pure was the knowledge that God is my lover. Even now, Daniel isn?t the perfect lover. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we get lonely while the other one?s gone, but God is always there and will always love me. Even if God wanted to take Daniel away from me, I could still survive because I have the love of the greatest groom I could ever want: Jesus!

The lesson I learned in all of this is that to live out what God has planned for you, you must first give your heart, body, mind, and emotions to Him. When they are truly His, then He has the freedom to give your heart to whoever He wishes.

Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.

Passion and purity may seem mutually exclusive. They are not. It is possible to feel passionately toward someone without following through physically. No one said it was easy, but it is possible.

First, understand that purity begins with what is in your heart and your mind. Romans 8 says, “… those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires … the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” (NIV) You must fill your mind with God’s word and with pure motives and thoughts before expecting your body to follow suit.

Second, a lifetime of purity is contingent upon setting boundaries and living within them. Before you find yourself in a situation that might break down those boundaries, determine in your heart and mind where the boundaries are in your relationships with the opposite sex. Determine that your body is your own and that a person who respects you and truly loves you will respect the boundaries that you have set.

Third, purity is not contingent on the past. If you have already given in to physical desire, pledge today that from this day forward you will remain physically pure. Put the boundaries back in place and accept God’s forgiveness for moving the barricades. If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9, NIV).

Fourth, the quest for purity does not end with marriage. Ah, just when you thought that marriage could solve all of your passion and purity issues, I had to bring this up. Within marriage there are still choices to be made. How easy it would be to say that once you are married, the issue will be decided, you will no longer struggle with passion and purity. But just look around you. Look at believers in Christ who have thrown away their marriages for another man or another woman. Look at ministries that have been brought to ruin by giving in to temptation outside of marriage. Look at affairs that started with an “innocent” glance or touch. The quest for purity is a lifetime pursuit, making it even more important to practice purity from an early age.

Because the quest for purity does not end with marriage, no matter whether you are single or married, you must put into practice the first two principles: fill your mind with God’s word and with pure motives and thoughts before expecting your body to follow suit, and set boundaries that will be in place now and for a lifetime.

A commitment to purity may not be easy and you may be faced with many challenges along the way, but when the day comes that you say “I do” to the man or woman chosen to be your lifelong mate, there will unspeakable joy when the two become one.

I didn’t even see it coming.Daniel and I had met in early April on the internet. Never thought we’d develop more than a friendship, but really enjoyed talking to each other about our faith and theological matters. We met in person on April 24, 2004 and hit it off right away. The close, Christ-centered friendship we’d enjoyed soon turned into a romance.I was just finishing a year sabbatical from dating, so Daniel and I had to wait until June 1 to truly become boyfriend and girlfriend. On the last three days of my sabbatical, we fasted and prayed, asking God for direction about each other. We wanted to be sure He meant the two of us to be together before we ever started dating. On June 1, we broke our fast at Old Chicago and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. On the first of every month, we celebrate by having lunch or dinner at Old Chicago.A few weeks later, Daniel got some free passes to Six Flags, so he treated our family to a day out. I knew that part of his plan was to pull my dad aside and ask for my hand in marriage. (Yeah, we moved fast. But God was so definitely in it!) It wasn?t going to be hard to get alone with my dad, as they?re the only two people in my family who like roller coasters.My mom and brother joined me in line for the Spider, while my dad and boyfriend headed to the Sidewinder. They were only gone for a few minutes when they?d returned, lamenting the fact that the ride was closed. Needless to say, I was disappointed.

For the next few weeks, I kept ?encouraging? (nagging) Daniel to talk to my dad. He kept saying, ?I?m waiting for the right opportunity,? which frustrated me since I knew the right opportunity wouldn?t come. He would have to make the opportunity.

On August 7, Daniel and I got dressed up all fancy-like to go downtown and watch a live production of I Love You, You?re Perfect, Now Change. (Hilarious romantic comedy, by the way!) We got hungry on the way there so, while we?re dressed in a suit and a formal dress, we ate dinner at Sam #5 (a not-so-fancy burger joint). Yeah, we turned heads.

After the play, we went to the Cheesecake Factory and ordered dessert. Before the desert came, Daniel was fidgeting with his cell phone and ?accidentally? dropped it on the floor. As he went down to pick up his phone, he stayed on one knee and asked me to marry him.

I thought he was kidding.

There were three rules a man had to meet before I?d accept a marriage proposal from him. He had to have a ring. He had to ask my dad. (Dad didn?t have to say yes, but he still had to ask.) He had to be on one knee.

I didn?t believe Daniel was serious because I didn?t think he?d talked to my dad yet, but it turns out that while the roller coaster really was closed, he had still talked with my dad on the way there and back. They had kept it a secret so I wouldn?t suspect anything and his proposal could be a surprise? I think they succeeded.

When Daniel asked me to marry him, I said, ?Don?t play with me. This isn?t funny.? Then he pulled out the ring.

I was afraid to look too hard at it or touch it for fear it?d disappear. But somehow, I couldn?t take my eyes away from it.

I sat there and cried, overwhelmed, for about 20 minutes with Daniel staying on his knees, waiting for an answer. I couldn?t speak, I had to simply nod. He helped me put the ring on since my hands were shaking.

We never even touched our desserts. I was too distracted. We boxed the cheesecake up and gave it to a homeless man outside the restaurant. We then hired a bicycle-led rickshaw for a romantic ride through the city.

I cried for about four hours, trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. Nearly five months later, we were married. But that?s a story for another day.

To see our wedding photos, click here.

Announcing the Weekend Kindness “What’s Your Story?” meme. 

Here’s how it works:

• Copy the link to this image (hot – linking is fine by me!)
• Write your story of how you got engaged.
• Select 3 bloggers that are married or have gotten engaged and let them know that you want to know their story.
• Make sure you link back to this How Did You Get Engaged post.

Here’s some handy code:

About two months before our wedding in July of 2006, we went out to dinner at Cracker Barrel. The waitress was not serving us properly. We got into an argument about it near the end of the meal, though I don’t remember the details.? I was arguing from my emotions; he was arguing from his intellect. Then Jeff uttered the famous last words, “Am I right?” I stood up and walked out of the dining room to the cashiers. He was right and lonely!

We laugh about that argument now and use it to counsel others. Repeatedly, we’ve seen other couples who are brought almost to separation over seemingly small arguments. Usually, underneath, there are huge issues of bitterness, the root of divorce. You know how the seeds of bitterness are sown? They are nourished through always having to be right…even down to the dirty socks he always tosses on the floor. We’ve learned to put aside the pettiness and enjoy each other’s company instead.