Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

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I didn’t even see it coming.Daniel and I had met in early April on the internet. Never thought we’d develop more than a friendship, but really enjoyed talking to each other about our faith and theological matters. We met in person on April 24, 2004 and hit it off right away. The close, Christ-centered friendship we’d enjoyed soon turned into a romance.I was just finishing a year sabbatical from dating, so Daniel and I had to wait until June 1 to truly become boyfriend and girlfriend. On the last three days of my sabbatical, we fasted and prayed, asking God for direction about each other. We wanted to be sure He meant the two of us to be together before we ever started dating. On June 1, we broke our fast at Old Chicago and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. On the first of every month, we celebrate by having lunch or dinner at Old Chicago.A few weeks later, Daniel got some free passes to Six Flags, so he treated our family to a day out. I knew that part of his plan was to pull my dad aside and ask for my hand in marriage. (Yeah, we moved fast. But God was so definitely in it!) It wasn’t going to be hard to get alone with my dad, as they’re the only two people in my family who like roller coasters.My mom and brother joined me in line for the Spider, while my dad and boyfriend headed to the Sidewinder. They were only gone for a few minutes when they’d returned, lamenting the fact that the ride was closed. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
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This year, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. In honor of our anniversary, I thought I’d share ten of my favorite dates. These are not in any particular order.

1. The old stand-by: Dinner and a movie at the theater. Eating together is one of the most important things we do. There is just something about sitting around a table together with food that helps us start talking. Our local theater has the seats with the retractable arm, so we can sit close together just like we’re on the couch at home.

2. We put the kids to bed, then watch a movie together while we eat a dessert. This tends to be less expensive than #1. The other thing I like about this date is that we can curl up on the couch and snuggle under a blanket together. I love a quiet night at home!

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When inviting someone out on a date:

• You can reference Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone.”
• Write a message in sidewalk chalk with each word about 20′ apart. Call them, disguising your voice, and tell them to follow the message. You can be waiting at the end of the message to ask them out or just leave flowers and a note.
• On a white t-shirt, write lots of peoples names in washable black marker. Write your own name somewhere in permanent marker. The person can wash the shirt to find out which name remains.
• Buy a bag of Hershey’s Kisses. Replace the paper flag with slips of paper with compliments on them.
• Dress in vintage clothing and go swing dancing at a local band stand.

On the date itself:

• Take pictures of items which describe characteristics of your loved one (such as a candy store if they’re sweet) and develop them. Over dinner, share your pictures with the other person.
• Play pictionary only, instead of drawing the picture, use finger paints, play dough, or other unusual mediums.
• Spend time in Scripture together and have a deep, theological discussion of what you’ve read. This can be vital to your relationship.
• Get a ton of instant pudding and whipped cream. Go to a local park and have a pudding fight!
• Make a mix CD and bring a CD player. Find a scenic place outdoors to slow dance as the sun sets.
• Gather pictures from the past. Write the story of how you met and fell in love. Even see if you can get the book printed and bound.
• Take a class on photography, dancing, painting, etc., together at a local community center.
• Visit all the places you would go early in your relationship. Take pictures and reminisce.

Above all else, keep in mind your purposes for the date:

• Strengthen your relationship (both friendship and romance) with the other person.
• Edify the other person and allow them to edify you.
• Allow God to define and guide your relationship to become increasingly like His relationship with his bride, the Church.
• Have fun and enjoy each other!

I love being married. I get to hang out with my husband–my best friend–every single day. I see him every morning, every evening, every weekend.

After more than fifteen years of marriage, though, it’s easy to let the routine become routine. I’m not saying we don’t enjoy being together. We just tend to take it for granted. When we do realize that we haven’t been out on a date in awhile, usually all we can think of on short notice is to go out to eat, or sometimes to a movie. It’s nice, but that kind of routine date doesn’t necessarily create lasting memories.

The dates that I remember the most, and that I think we ought to shoot for more often, are the quirky ones. Conveniently, they also tend to be the least expensive (sometimes they’re even free!).

So, without further ado, these are a few of my favorite dates:

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As January comes to a close, February 1st approaches, which some refer to as Groundhog Day. It’s when Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his burrow to let the world know if winter is over, or if we’ll have six more weeks of it! What I’m reminded of each year with Groundhog Day is the ever popular 1993 movie with Bill Murray.

The movie is about a weather man who is asked to cover the groundhog day story for the fourth year in a row. However, awaking the following day he finds it to be groundhog day over and over and over again. At first, he uses this to his advantage, then comes to the realization that he is doomed to spend the rest of eternity in the same place, seeing the same people do the same thing EVERY day. After the realization, he changes his attitude, behaviors and daily activities and awakes to February 3. Most people never experience the same day twice. As the saying goes, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”, unless you’re Bill Murray.

Ways to make a great first impression:

5) Avoid gum chewing.
4) Use eye contact.

3) Use good body language and stand up straight!

2) Be on time.

1) Proper handshake - no limp hands!

The culture at large is pushing a sexualized society.  They preach that teens will do it, no matter if you tell them or not.  They analogize the relationship to taking a test drive of a car– you have to make sure it’s really the one you want.

Here’s the problem with the car analogy: the car doesn’t have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it back at the used car lot and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the driver. It stinks if you picture yourself as the car.

Statistics show that those that cohabitate are less likely to stay married when they get married.  Why?  Partly because while cohabitating there’s a more even share of household duties, and when marriage enters the picture traditional gender roles return.

And partly because the couple has been practicing remaining detached:

Here is an analogy that works better than the taking the car for a test drive analogy. Suppose I ask you to give me a blank check, signed and ready to cash. All I have to do is fill in the amount. Most people would be unlikely to do this. You would be more likely to do it, if you snuck out and drained the money out of your account before you gave me the check. Or, you could give me the check and just be scared and worried about what I might do.

Think about it: What do you have in your checking account that is more valuable than what you give to a sexual partner? When people live together, and sleep together, without marriage, they put themselves in a position that is similar to the person being asked to give a blank check. They either hold back on their partner by not giving the full self in the sexual act and in their shared lives together. Or, they feel scared a lot of the time, wondering whether their partner will somehow take advantage of their vulnerability.

No one can simulate self-giving. Half a commitment is no commitment. Cohabiting couples are likely to have one foot out the door, throughout the relationship. The members of a cohabiting couple practice holding back on one another. They rehearse not trusting. The social scientists that gather the data do not have an easy way to measure this kind of dynamic inside the relationship.

So, if you’re dating, nurture your emotional and verbal relationship– stay out of cohabitation and sex.  It’s important that you save these intimate moments for the one that you can truly give your all to– without reservation.

Can you have friends with the opposite sex without it developing into more?  If so, what are the possible pitfalls?