Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

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“How do you train your children, boys especially, when their dad is just as bad as they are at…picking up after himself?”

This question was posed at my mom’s group yesterday after watching a Christian DVD on Teaching Responsibility. The discussion that followed? Everyone had several points to make. I’d say it’s a topic rife with angst if the reaction of this small group of 8-10 women was any indication.

Now, I don’t advocate husband bashing, obviously, and this didn’t turn into such an event, though it came perilously near once or twice.

My advice? First, we’re not our husband’s mothers. It’s not our job to “fix” him. Second, chances are, we’re the main parent most of the time while our husbands are in the workplace–so train those boys and girls as God would have you train them. As you and your husband have decided to train them.

Most important, instead of focusing on the negative:

• My spouse is so inconsiderate or he/she’d __________. (you fill in the blank)

Focus on the positive. Think of all your spouse does for you, little and big. Don’t keep track of all the little annoyances, and believe me, they’ll become as the dust in the floor cracks, never to resurface again. Serving your mate will become second nature, the joy may not always be there, but the right attitude releases the potential for stress.

Someone’s thinking, “But we shouldn’t have to pick up after him…”

Um, yes, technically…we wives are our husband’s helpmeets…painful on those taken-for-granted days when one more chore to do looms as high as all the laundry you’ve folded that week…

So, really, what do you appreciate about your spouse? Make a list and refer to it more than twice. Add to it. Share it with him or her. Even if it starts with:

“You don’t get on my nerves.”

And part of the process is thanking your better half for these things. If you’ve got clean socks, men, how about snagging that wife for a hug and a “You’re the greatest!” Unexpected praises go a long way.

Women, when your man steps up to the plate, tell him how proud you are to be married to him. I know I’m incredibly grateful that my guy’s out there taking on the world so I can stay at home with our children.

Appreciation is where it’s at.

In 1 Corinthians 11:9 it says,

“Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man.”

Are we passionate about our calling as wives to the men that God gave us? Remember, we chose this man…however many years ago. Chances are we were a little blind to one another’s faults, and maybe we vainly thought our love would influence a few changes. I know my husband and I have grown more and more like each other in good and bad ways, since the “merge”!

How many of our spouse’s faults can we overlook? I’m going to go out on a limb here, and give a radical answer. All non-violent faults can be overlooked. All faults can be forgiven. Of course, if you or your children are in danger, seek help.

I’ve read testimonies of women who have had cheating husbands; husbands addicted to pornography, alcohol/drugs; husbands that are married to their jobs; severely depressed husbands…and these women were all able to see past the obvious and find something good about their man. And they clung to that good quality.

For one woman, it was the fact that her husband was a wonderful provider. He had a hair-trigger temper which manifested itself in verbal ruptures from time to time, but he made sure his family was taken care of, and he never laid a hand on any of them. Another friend says she focuses on what a great daddy her husband is to their children. And I’ll never forget my online friend, Connie, who raised her big family all alone for years while her husband served time. She and the kids welcomed him home with both arms wide open when his sentence was up. He remained an unbeliever for many years but last I heard he was more open than ever before to Christianity.

I think it was Elisabeth Elliot that said, “Tell your spouse the positives, and God the negatives.” Cover those faults with prayer and don’t dwell on them otherwise. It is not your job as wife, to “fix” your husband. In fact, we are told in 1 Peter 3:1-2,

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any {of them} are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

We’re to be submissive even to disobedient husbands! And we’re to win them without a word by our behavior. This is practically a promise to wives here, and how often do we cut our own throats by ranting and raving or walking around with hurt feelings, or by tearing our men down to their own children? We can’t do this and expect miracles.

Bottom line: Even undeserving men can be won over by a woman who is content to serve God by serving her husband. It takes a lot of grace, but God promises grace to the humble.

So are you humble? Or are you contentious? I highly recommend the “Contentious Woman Quiz”. After you take the quiz, be sure to keep reading for helps on how to curb that habit and cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit.

In the meantime, remember the power of your thought life, and protect it and your marriage in the process.

Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Proverbs 16:3, Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

“Tea was once reserved for the upper classes who had time on their hands. Nowadays, it’s the opposite. We’re so busy that we take tea to escape from the pressure and the fast pace, especially when someone invites, ‘Oh, do come for tea…’ Now, you have an excuse to linger.” ~Gail Greco

When I named my web log Home-steeped Hope, I envisioned two women chatting, seated around a humble kitchen table. Maybe they’d just prayed together or completed a simple study, because a Bible lay open before them. Now, however, their hands cradled steaming mugs and whether sipping on coffee or tea, or sharing joys or heartaches—with a treasured friend, there’s no better way of cultivating hope. Especially when you have the Lord in common.

My name is Mary Allen. By now you realize I’m a Christian…who loves any excuse to linger… I’m fourteen years happily married to my handsome cowboy, and a stay at home, homeschooling mother of three girls—9, 7 (today!) and 3 years of age. With a never-finished list of projects, I’m always wishing for more time to build up the relationships I cherish.

Our modest little home is nestled into a hillside embedded with limestone rocks and trees, and dotted with barns. We raise horses, goats, red and white border collies, and the occasional bucket calf. Our little corner of mid-western heaven is a constant work-in-progress, one that teaches me something new every year!

We’re blessed to be surrounded by both of our extended families, and attend a community Bible church thirty miles from home. I’ve been adapting to the new role—to me—of Education Director, and have a whole new appreciation for the work behind the programs our church offers, from Sunday School to AWANA to family camp…I’m also learning there is no better relationship builder between believers than working together for a common goal. But it’s a delicate balancing act, juggling family and church responsibilities.

I look forward to “lingering” here, to discovering together those small daily differences we each can make. So often, it’s the simple things which enrich our relationships, and feed hope to our souls.

Thank you, MInTheGap, for inviting me to be a part of the Weekend Kindness team.

On September 11th, I paused for a few minutes on my couch to listen to some of the tributes given during the CBS Early Show. Some time was given to promoting a new website MyGoodDeed.org.

Today, I finally looked it up. At first, I thought it was going to be all about celebrities and politicians getting a good name out there for themselves…there are quite a few big names in the testimony section. But it’s a nice idea, I hope it catches on.

Something caught my eye, a project of collecting personal hygiene products for underprivileged children, and it brought back some great memories. I used to be the secretary for a non-profit child health care group, and each year at Thanksgiving we’d decorate large boxes with Christmas wrap and drop them off at all the local churches. On the side of the box, we’d list needed items such as dental supplies, SOAP, shampoo, socks, combs, etc. These boxes would sit in the church foyers and the church members would have three weeks to fill them. Then our group would all gather together with donated gift bags (the community stores often donated our wrapping supplies and other fillers for the bags) and fill them up. We’d have things geared for three different age groups: preschool, elementary, and jr. high/high school.

It was a blast, kind of like playing “elf”. Our local SRS office made sure that the gifts went where needed.

Often, all it takes is one family willing to go the extra mile. Why should we leave these types of things to the local child health care board? One family could host a party at church for any interested and in no time they could have a dozen boxes dressed out and ready to drop off around town. In fact, I like this idea so much, I’m already musing the possibilities.

You could focus your donations on:

• the local crisis pregnancy center–they’re always in need of baby items and maternity clothes
• the domestic violence shelter–think of the women and children whose Christmases will be so vastly different. Perhaps a stuffed bear might make bedtime a little easier. Maybe a gift basket of frivolous items for the hurting wife?
• do you have a homeless shelter in your community? Contact them and see if your church can collect canned goods or other donations for their Christmas banquet.
• perhaps the ministerial alliance can come up with a list of local children according to their ages/genders and what specific needs/wants they might have.

As you can see, this idea has possibilities. It would be a great 4H project, or community service project for an older homeschooled child.

I’m excited, how about you?

I earned a new title over the weekend: the candy fairy! Yeah, I was found out!

When my daughters failed to find their candy where I’d strategically placed it (beneath their pillows) on Sunday morning, I knew I had to be a bit more obvious! Still, after a long morning at church, and a visit to the grandparents, the cannisters of mini M&M’s weren’t discovered till about bedtime!

I’d written in wacky lettering: “May your words to each other always be as sweet as these treats!” My hope was that my act of “weekend kindness” would be a gift that keeps on giving! Kindness in our family relationships is the best kind, after all!

Two days later, the girls have finished divvying them up between their toddler sister and yes, me. (Aren’t they sweet to share?) Best of all, my oldest took the labeling to heart. I caught her apologizing to her younger sister this morning for being unkind while they cleaned up their room together.

To whom it may concern: I really did try to remain anonymous, but the two little stinkers badgered me into admitting my part in the matter.

Ah, well, it earned me several hugs and kisses more than my daily allotment!

Thanks for the idea, we all had fun with it!