Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

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Gary Chapman has made millions from the sales of his book The Five Love Languages. Thousands of couples appreciate what he has to say about the different ways we demonstrate to and receive love from our spouses. Just in case you don’t remember, he writes that the five love languages are receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.

Much of what Chapman writes is good and helpful, however, I am afraid that his five love languages are backfiring on us. The idea that we have one or two languages with which we can demonstrate and understand love is too narrow, in my opinion. Far too many couples use “You’re not speaking my language,” as an excuse to discount their spouse’s efforts to show love. The ways and means by which we can demonstrate love and affection are only limited by our own imagination, creativity, and how well we have gotten to know our significant other. Likewise, the ways we can receive love from others is only limited by our own hearts and minds.

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This year, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. In honor of our anniversary, I thought I’d share ten of my favorite dates. These are not in any particular order.

1. The old stand-by: Dinner and a movie at the theater. Eating together is one of the most important things we do. There is just something about sitting around a table together with food that helps us start talking. Our local theater has the seats with the retractable arm, so we can sit close together just like we’re on the couch at home.

2. We put the kids to bed, then watch a movie together while we eat a dessert. This tends to be less expensive than #1. The other thing I like about this date is that we can curl up on the couch and snuggle under a blanket together. I love a quiet night at home!

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Karl and I are working on our tenth year of marriage, but we’ve known one another for fifteen years. We still love to spend time together alone, but sometimes it’s hard to find something different to talk about. There are the usual topics like the kids, school, and work, but those are a far cry from the topics discussed over our romantic dinners together 1999BK (Before Kids).

After building a home and family together, there just isn’t much left to our imaginations when it comes to knowing one another. There are no secrets, no real mysteries anymore. We can finish one another’s sentences and know what the other is thinking just by a look. We have enough history and “inside” lingo between us that we can carry on entire conversations with one another that no one else is able to comprehend. While this is very sweet in some respects, it doesn’t help when we don’t already have something to talk about.

Last weekend, my sweet man treated me to dinner at a very nice, family-owned Italian restaurant. As we sat opposite one another, we made small talk about the furnishings and the menu. After we placed our drink orders with the server, we stared at one another for a few moments before Karl asked, “What do you want to talk about?”

“All I know for certain is that I don’t want to talk about our children,” I replied.

After all, we had asked the in-laws to take the kids for a few hours so that we could have some time together without them. Why would I want to spend my first peaceful dinner of the week talking about them?

Karl asked my thoughts on a couple of co-worker related issues and then said, “OK. I have an idea for our dinner conversation…We can’t possibly know everything there is to know about one another, so let’s take turns sharing things that we think the other doesn’t already know. You go first.”

I had to think for a few seconds, but by the time we ordered our meal, I had thought of at least two things to share. We took turns sharing “new” details of our lives. It was so much fun we continued throughout our evening together.

Though I’ve known him for half of my life now, there are so many things I have yet to learn about this wonderful man I married. I thought I knew everything about him, but I was reminded that he has a history, dreams and desires, and hopes that I have yet to discover. Not only did I learn some things, he listened and discovered some new details about me. It is such a blessing to have a spouse who is still interested in getting to know me.

Being married to the same person for the rest of my life will be far from boring!

Spend some time this week getting to know your spouse a little better. You may be reminded of how much you really enjoy being together and how much you actually like one other. You’ll definitely be surprised by how much you have yet to discover.

I’m Leslie. MIntheGap asked me about contributing to Weekend Kindness, and must say I am thrilled to be a part of a site that is focused on encouraging husbands and wives to be better husbands and wives. Relationships are my thang! I love to meet and get to know new people and find out what makes them tick.

I was not raised in a Christian home. My parents divorced around the time I was 9 years old, so I wasn’t privileged with a good example of what a healthy marriage looked like. This probably has something to do with why I think people and the way they relate are very interesting subjects.

I was introduced to Christ by some very caring friends of mine when we were in eighth grade. They invited me to a youth revival night at their church. Honestly, I would have gone anywhere to get out of the house! Though my parents took my younger brother and me to church from time to time, I never really remember hearing the gospel. But that night in April 1991, I understood the good news for the first time and my heart heard God’s call. He has rescued me from heinous sin. I do not deserve his grace and goodness toward me through Jesus.

I graduated from the University of Alabama with a bachelor’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies (HDFS), but that was only after I changed my major five or six times. The only college I wasn’t enrolled in during my tenure at good ol’ UofA was Business and Administration. I couldn’t settle on what I wanted to do, but I knew I didn’t want to major in business. What made me settle on HDFS? My sweetheart proposed and we decided I would be a wife and mother, and since I didn’t know anything about cooking or babies or healthy relationships, I decided to major in homemaking, child-rearing, and family. Thank God for schools that still offer programs in home economics (even if they don’t call it that anymore; it’s called Human Environmental Sciences)!

Now, here I am a mother of four (ages 8,7, 5, and almost 4). I am very happily married, and Hubby and I are working on our tenth year. I spend my days doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, and teaching my little ones. I spend what little free time I have reading and blogging. I only have one blog, Lux Venit, and I am looking forward to helping out around here at Weekend Kindness.