Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

“Why?” is a loaded question.  Though it’s only one word, it carries with it a lot of baggage.

When the person hears “Why…?” the mind processes this as a question that someone asks because they cannot understand your reasoning.  It can be humiliating in a way, for something that you seem to believe was the right decision at the time is now being brought into question.

It forces the one being questioned to lay out all of their thoughts and make bare their motivations, but in a way that makes them feel stupid for coming to the conclusion that they did.

It’s much better to ask questions that get to the heart of the matter without the judgmental undertones.

For example:

• “What were the ideas that went into this decision?”
• “How were you influenced to make this decision?”
• “Did you consider this scenario?”
• “What made you change your mind?”

In all of these you’re approaching the person in the quest of gaining more information, but in a non-judgmental way.  When using “Why?”, all you seem to be doing is trying to prove you’re smarter or better than the other person.

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