Weekend Kindness » Do This One Thing To Grow Your Marriage

Do This One Thing To Grow Your Marriage

Posted Monday, May 18th, 2009 and visited 559 times, 2 so far today
by MInTheGap

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Marriages are a partnership. In every partnership there are two people.

So far, nothing new…

The point is that for any partnership to succeed, both of the people have to be working toward the same goal. When the two of you were dating, you were both working toward the same goal– the goal of learning about each other and figuring out if the person that you were with was the person you wanted to spend your life with.

When you got married, you both were working together to start a married life together. You were learning about each other and you were learning how two people live together in the same house.

When you had your first child, you were learning together how to care for that child, and you both showed your love to them.

Now, how do you expect to do all of that, to be together in your goals, dreams and aspirations if you don’t communicate what you are thinking or feeling.

Communication is Key to Growing a Healthy Marriage

I know, no surprise there, right? But here’s a helpful list of things of how you need to communicate in order to grow together.

1. Communicate How Your Feeling

This is easier for girls than guys, but if you’re not telling each other how your feeling, or how different things are making you feel you are more likely to bottle up hurt inside and you’re not letting your spouse minister to you.

For instance, if you cannot stand that he does not take care of his laundry and leaves his desk or mess, or you just can’t understand why she cannot seem to put the ketchup back in the right spot in the refrigerator, and you do not tell the other person, then the odds are that you will begin to find and internalize other things that will also irritate you.

Now, I’m not saying that you should not learn to deal with your pet peeves, and that she has to do everything just the way that you want her to, but you need to talk through these challenges– if only to see that neither of you are doing something to bug the other one on purpose1.

2. Communicate Your Love

When was the last time you told your wife that you love her. No, not the “I love you” as you raced out the door. I mean sometime, out of the blue, when it isn’t rehearsed.

If you’re not communicating love both when it’s expected and when it’s not, how can you reinforce that love in return?

This one also encompasses more than just words too– you should be doing things to show your love to them as well. This serves two purposes, you cannot help but feel more affectionate toward someone that you have to spend time thinking about, and you also will encourage their love because they know that you’re thinking about them!

3. Communicate Your Needs

This is not simply “I need food” or “I need steak”, but this includes those things that you need in order to do what you need efficiently. This is the area where you talk about what you’re going through at you job, this is where you tell her that you need more times of physical intimacy, or where you tell him that you need his support.

This is where you discuss what needs to happen to the house and the struggles that you’re having.

You are a team with a common end goal, you need to act like it. This means knowing what the jobs are that are ahead, planning on getting them done, and finding a way to get them accomplished.

4. Communicate Your Dreams

Do you have something you want to do or be? Is there something you’ve always wanted to see or accomplish? Inspire your spouse with your thoughts on larger issues. Don’t be afraid to dream big or be afraid to fail. There are many opportunities in life that we do not take because we fail to realize the opportunities that are there presenting themselves.

It could be that your spouse has a similar vision, or perhaps he or she can help to prod you to attempt yours. Who said that it’s better to have tried and failed than to never have tried? Probably the same guy that said behind every great man there’s a great woman…

5. Communicate Your Fears

Make yourself vulnerable. If you want to emotionally attach to someone, communicating your fears and failings will do it. You have to trust someone a lot in order to tell them what’s scaring you or what you’ve done amiss– trust them not to leave you, to support you and still love you.

Many of us wear a mask a lot, so that people only see one part of us. We worry that if people saw who we really are they would think differently of us, or that we would lose the respect that we work hard to get.

We need to acknowledge our failings and seek help from our spouse to get us through those difficult times. They are best equipped to help keep us doing what we should. And doing that keeps us both pulling in the same direction.

Conclusion

So, communicate. Whether you sit down formally or informally, whether you’re at the table or on the couch, whether it’s with words verbally, with an e-mail or through a hand written letter sprinkled with perfume, don’t neglect the time spent with one another communicating on all different levels, for communication is the lifeblood of any partnership, and it’s important to every marriage.

Or at least I hope you’re not, because that’s a sign of more trouble!

MInTheGap has been commenting on the culture at large and current events since 2004. He enjoys spending time with his family, writing, and being active in his local church.
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