 | Husbands, WivesFixing a Breaking MarriagePosted Sunday, July 13th, 2008 and visited 194 times, 1 so far today by MInTheGap |
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Last Monday marked the seventh year my wife and I have been married, and on that day one of my coworkers and I had an interesting conversation. He said that he believed that seven was a big year inasmuch as it would indicate how well a marriage could survive.
Then he said that it was only seven years that he and the mother of his children were able to stay together.
The statistics for divorce are incredible—and very sad. What’s more, it says something about the way that we approach commitments and, in turn, the way that our children will approach commitments.
There are times in every marriage where it’s best to get outside help—especially before it gets to the point of separation. Usually at that point the bitterness and resentment have built up to the point that it may be too late. It is at the beginning of tension that I recommend going to your Pastor or a Marriage Counselor.
Marriage Family Counseling is not as bad as it seems. It’s certainly better than the alternative. Most of the time it consists of taking the approach of having someone look at the situation from the outside with an unbiased and objective look, and then recommending changes.
Yes, changes. You see, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a conflict where both sides were not in the wrong somewhere. Either communication, actions, anger, or something else exists on both sides, and mending the relationship will take both sides admitting their problems and working on them.
There are also programs like How to Save Your Marriage and Marriage Conferences that will let you take time to get alone with your spouse and work through any lingering issues that the two of you may have.
You’ve invested too long in your marriage—even if you’re a newlywed—to let it fall away. Treat it with more care than you would give your relationship with your friends or children, and prioritize keeping that relationship as strong as it can be.
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July 14th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Truly said expert councelors have vast experience in ways to save a marriage and can give an unbiased assessment of both sides of the table,but many couples never attempt to seek ways to repair a marriage in trouble and will spend their time fighting each other instead.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:07 pm Subscribed to Comments
You’re right, Counselor. A lot of people think you’ve got to swallow your pride in order to seek outside help with your marriage. This just isn’t the case.
AG’s last blog post..Prayer for Kaleo
July 24th, 2008 at 9:30 am
@AG: It used to be said that it was only guys that didn’t want help. If that was true, it’s now spread.
People look at getting help as failing. Failing at finding where your destination is, failing at knowing the right answer, or a failure at marriage.
The truth is that helping makes us better. We cannot all know everything, and there are some problems that we cannot solve. We need humility in order to get help, and Americans are in short supply of that.
Christians are worse, however. We’re encouraged to share each other’s burdens, but the only ones we share are those that we feel everyone has, or ones that won’t embarrass us. We don’t trust each other in body of Christ enough to truly show love. It’s sad, but I believe it’s a big reason we do not see much of the power of Christ today.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:10 am Subscribed to Comments
I think you’re definately on to something, MIn. There have been some major struggles with temptation I’ve faced and they bound me and held me captive until I confessed them to my husband or a trusted girlfriend. The amazing thing is, when that struggle was confessed, the temptation lost its power. I’ve also set accountability in place, just in case, but have not needed it so far.
As far as humility and asking for help, I have a friend who’s been seeing her boyfriend, a godly man, for nearly seven years. They won’t get married because he refuses to attend pre-marital counseling and she won’t get married without it. So they’re in a deadlock until one of them compromises their feelings about counseling or decides they’re tired of waiting for a change and breaks it off. Kinda sad situation.
AG’s last blog post..The Front Fell Off
July 24th, 2008 at 10:52 am
@AG: It’s amazing the feeling of relief that confession brings. All the time that you’re subject to wondering if someone will find out– they go away when you tell what’s going on.
As far as the couple, I would believe that the appropriate thing would be for this young lady to find a different fella– although it will be hard. Seven years is a long time to be dating and it not heading anywhere. And the fact that the man is unwilling to even sit down and receive some counseling tells me that she can do better– for this guy will probably be one of the dictators instead of a servant-leader.
From this little bit you shared, I believe she can do better.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:30 pm Subscribed to Comments
Oh, I totally agree she can do better. I’ve been telling her that for over four years. She knows it, too. Pretty much everyone on earth except this guy realizes he’s never going to find another girl who will be so good to him.
AG’s last blog post..The Front Fell Off
July 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
@AG: The length of time would be a good indicator that something’s up. I find, however, that people who have dated this long are stuck– thinking that they could never find anyone else. Though she needs to find someone else.