 | DatingDating GuidelinesPosted Friday, April 11th, 2008 and visited 1161 times, 1 so far today by MInTheGap |
One of the things that always stuck with me while I was dating was a guideline my father gave me about physical intimacy. He told me that there is an obvious boundary, but with each new physical thing you do (holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc) you want the next thing because of how good it makes you feel.
It was this knowledge that kept me from kissing a girl, until the girl before the woman I married, and it proved that guidelines– when taken to heart– are good to help us to do what we know with our heads is right.
Here are some more dating guidelines I found in Lydia Brownback’s Purple Cellar:
- A godly woman should allow the man to initiate the relationship. This does not mean that she does nothing. She helps! If she thinks there is a good possibility for a relationship, she puts him at east and encourages him as opportunities arise.
- A godly woman should speak positively and respectfully about her boyfriend in his presence and absence.
- A godly woman should give honest attention to his interests.
- A godly woman should recognize the sexual temptations with which a single man will normally struggle and will avoid potentially compromising situations.
- A godly woman will build up the man with God’s Word and give encouragement to godly leadership. She should allow and seek biblical encouragement from the man she is dating.
- A godly woman will make “helping” and “respecting” the watchwords of her behavior toward a man.
- A godly woman will remember that the man is her brother in the Lord. She should not be afraid to end an unhealthy relationship but should seek to do so with charity and grace.
Holding Hands, Holding Hearts, Phillips (P&R, 2006).
What guidelines did you have, or do you have?
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April 14th, 2008 at 12:43 am Subscribed to Comments
Do you happen to have any guidelines for godly men?
Amanda’s last blog post..Escapism and Medievia
April 14th, 2008 at 11:41 am
I’ll have to look around, Amanda, I’m sure there are some good ones out there. Some of these, I’m sure, are interchangeable. What I really think is is good is Heather Paulsen’s talk about Emotional Purity. Basically, we as guys need to make sure that we’re not only keeping ourselves pure physically and mentally, but also making sure that the women in our lives know exactly where we are and where we stand. We need to not lead women on, and not to give mixed signals.
Kysha, thanks for coming by! That’s great that your son has taken a purity vow!
April 14th, 2008 at 11:51 am Subscribed to Comments
MIn, you’re so right. I know several Christian guys who are jerking their girls around, not letting them know if they’re ready for commitment or not. I think that’s so far from what God intended for a couple while dating. How can you allow yourself to openly consider someone as a potential spouse while having to protect yourself from hurt because you don’t know where they’re at?
AG’s last blog post..Fireball
April 14th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
This is one area where the whole courtship/betrothal scheme worked a whole lot better than today’s dating. As Elizabeth Elliot said, a lot of dating is just practicing for divorce. There is something nice about the concept of knowing who you are going to marry and then planning your life around it rather than having to go find the person.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:07 pm Subscribed to Comments
I like Josh Harris’ definition of courtship: Dating with the intention of godly marriage. I don’t like arranged marriages. I know who I would’ve married if my parents had arranged it and, while he’s a godly man, he’s no caliber compared to my husband. The idea is to court/date (whichever term you like best) with the intention of letting God show you your spouse and direct your relationship.
AG’s last blog post..Fireball