 | Friends, Relationship BuilderThat’s What Friends DoPosted Monday, March 17th, 2008 and visited 359 times, 1 so far today by Claudia |
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It was late when the phone rang. I was already in bed, but I knew it was my best friend, J.
Claudia, this is J. I’m getting married!
J, I am so excited for you! How did he ask?
The conversation was short. It was late and we would talk tomorrow when I went to meet with J for our weekly Bible study.
J was my best friend. She taught me about Christ and was even more excited than I when I accepted him as my personal Lord and Savior. We’d been friends for a long time, but she had been a Christian much longer than I had and I wanted the joy that she had in her life.
The next day I went to work then stopped at J’s for Bible study. Since we were both single, we met weekly for Bible study together then I would stay overnight at her house and leave for work in the morning.
The conversation started off with all the excitement with which it ended the night before. She was my best friend and she was getting married. She was also a single mom who desired God’s will more than anything. She had been single for a while and was raising her young son alone. She was beautiful, she was full of life, and now she was getting married.
The more we talked, though, the more I felt in my heart that I had to tell her what was on my heart. After all, she was my best friend and I couldn’t bear to see her get hurt.
You see, she had gone out with this man, Mr. Right, for the first time the week before. She had known of him through church activities, but she had only gone out with him twice and had never even spoken to him before that for all I knew. How could she possibly consider marrying him?
The conversation quickly turned cold. She knew this was God’s will for her and I knew (or thought I knew) that it couldn’t possibly be. In my months of knowing God, I was sure He didn’t work that fast, not when it came to something as important as marriage.
After feeling the ice fill the air, the conversation stopped abruptly. We were at an impasse and she had not seen the error of her ways.
Even though I had the urge to leave the house, to walk out the door and let us both think it over a while, I knew that if I walked out the door I would never see her again. In one moment, I would lose my best friend and any hope of having her in my life.
The air was still icy, but somehow she managed to not throw me out of the house. Maybe she felt the same as I did: if I left, we would never see each other again.
I must have slept soundly, because sometime after I feel asleep she called Mr. Right and he came to the house. They sat in his car in the garage and she told him what I had said. She didn’t understand how I could not be happy for her.
He comforted her and told her that I was right for being concerned about her. He could understand that I would want the best for her and I was only speaking up because I loved her so much.
To make a long story short, I still thought for a while that she was making a mistake, but I also knew that if I was going to be her friend, I had to support her in whatever decision she made.
J decided to go through with the wedding. The engagement was not much longer than the 7 days they dated. Three or four months after that fateful night, I stood with J as one of her bridesmaids and vowed to support her and Mr. Right as long as they both shall live.
More than 20 years later, Mr. and Mrs. Right are still together. They are very happily married and have shared life’s joys and sorrows as do all married couples.
What’s more, J is still my best friend and she truly knows how much I love her because I cared enough to tell her when I thought she was making a decision that would hurt her and I stood by her when she was convinced she was right, because that’s what friends do.
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March 17th, 2008 at 7:14 am
My husband and I have a very unconventional story as well, having never dated before getting married and only being engaged for 5 months. But we KNEW that it was God’s will and we have been happily married for 15 years now. While none of my friends had the courage to confront me, I’m sure that some of them felt the same way you did towards J’s situation.
But you made the right decision to be supportive. Sometimes we have to just speak our mind, then let the chips fall where they may. All along though, we should be there for our friends.
Lori ~ Simple Life at Home’s last blog post..Menu Plan Monday - Crunch Time!!!!
March 17th, 2008 at 10:18 am Subscribed to Comments
That’s so awesome that your friendship survived that, Claudia. My best friend before I met Mr. Right will not speak to me because she believes he is bad for me. We fasted and prayed before deciding to get married - 3 times. I know that God brought us together!
AG’s last blog post..Mary
March 17th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
J found out after she was married that many of her family members felt the same way, that she shouldn’t be getting married so quickly, but they were afraid to tell her.
It is a tough spot to be in, but God’s grace helped us work through it and it was only He that could have given me the wisdom to say my piece then stand by whatever decision she made.
I am sorry, AG, that your friend wasn’t able to do the same.
Claudia’s last blog post..Friday Focus - 30-Day Wife Encouragement Challenge
March 17th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
A lot of people thought that I might be rebounding when I started dating and proposed to my current wife. They wanted to make sure that I knew what I was doing and that I had truly gotten over my previous relationship.
I assured them that while it might have started out as a rebound, I was nevertheless sure that I was supposed to marry Virtuous Blonde. And we’re going on 7 years this year.
March 17th, 2008 at 1:30 pm Subscribed to Comments
It’s only by God’s grace that any of us can maintain a holy relationship with one another, that’s for sure.
AG’s last blog post..Mary
March 18th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
As I was reading this, I started to wonder about just how many times parents and families approve of the child’s choices. I mean, at some time in our history parents made the decision, and I’m not so sure how that played out with the children, but in today’s society it seems that most of the time the children want to make the choice without the parents and that causes hurt feelings.
Perhaps we’ve lost something as we’ve gone along with the desire for more independence? The whole Titus 2 thing seems to be broken in modern Christianity such that we don’t want to learn from the previous generation and we’re somewhat hesitant to really get involved in the next one (except on a clinical level teaching Sunday School, etc.)
March 19th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Our desire to “make my own decision” also goes against God’s desire for us to seek wisdom and counsel from those who are older and who can give us sound advice.
How many young people seek the counsel of their peers first and their parents second, if at all?
I think you’ve hit on a major problem in our society, MIn.
Claudia’s last blog post..5 Questions to Ask Before the Fight Starts
March 19th, 2008 at 10:31 am Subscribed to Comments
This is a good point. My parents and I have always been close and that has kept me from a lot of heartbreak. When hubby and I were dating, he got to know my parents almost as well as he got to know me. They had no hesitation when we announced our engagement (of course, they knew ahead of time because hubby asked permission to propose) and supported us fully – they still do.
On a similar note, would y’all pray over something? Hubby and I are mentoring a 16 year old at-risk boy and trying to teach him how to be a godly man. Of course, hubby’s doing most of the work since they’re both men. I met this boy’s female friends last weekend at his birthday party. His mom and I are planning a girls’ night for them so we can develop relationships with them (sans boys) and begin to pour into them and teach them how to be godly women. If they make half the progress the boy has made over the last year, they’ll be on the right track to becoming mighty women of God. Thanks!
AG’s last blog post..Mary
March 21st, 2008 at 10:16 am
I think this is a great thing you’re doing, AG. It exactly falls in line with Titus 2, and unfortunately a lot of families aren’t passing on these values– in fact, parents are a big driving force in teen sexual activity because they’re taught to expect it.
You’ll be in our prayers.
March 21st, 2008 at 12:20 pm Subscribed to Comments
Thanks.
AG’s last blog post..Mary
March 21st, 2008 at 1:44 pm
You’re very welcome.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:14 am Subscribed to Comments
I completely believe that if someone is afraid for their friend, they should go to them about it. If their friend still wants to continue in whatever they decide, then they should support that friend.
So, what happens when you’ve shown your hesitation to your friend and your relationship becomes broken because of it? How do you go about with reconciliation?
AG’s last blog post..Power! Power! Power!
March 25th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
AG, There’s no quick fix that I can give you. I think it comes down to opening the lines of communication, being sensitive to your friend’s feelings, apologizing for whatever responsibility you might have in the issue, and not assuming that you know all of the reasons for your friend’s actions or reactions.
If posssible, talk face to face.
Start on a friendly level, not with the problem that started the break in the relationships. Maybe start the conversation with something like, “I’ve missed our friendship. Do you remember when we …. .” Start on a friendly level and move into resolving the issue.
Try to understand your friend at the root of the issue. Don’t dredge up what was said when the offense occurred. Start fresh on a positive note.
Other ideas?
Claudia’s last blog post..Friday Focus - 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 2
March 25th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Time has a way of healing things because we tend to look on things through the prism of time and see and process those things in a different light. I would think that you could repair it after time has passed and you start to do friendly things together, maybe including someone else. But I really don’t have much to add to Claudia’s suggestion. If you wait too long, it’ll just be too awkward.
March 25th, 2008 at 4:36 pm Subscribed to Comments
Well, for starters, praise God, I just found out that friend rededicated her life to Christ this Sunday after nearly a year of telling Him to buzz off! Hooray!
AG’s last blog post..Power! Power! Power!
March 25th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
AG, This is great new! Hopefully this will be the start of a mended relationship!
Claudia’s last blog post..Apology: Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How
March 25th, 2008 at 7:31 pm Subscribed to Comments
I sure hope so!
AG’s last blog post..Power! Power! Power!
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
It’ll be neat to see a life change around. Hopefully it’s something that will keep going and going.
Whatever happened to the 16 yr old boy and his harem– I mean, female friends?
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:23 pm Subscribed to Comments
Well, remember how I said his mom was a procrastinator? Yeah, she’s taking her time getting a date squared away. But Hubby and I are getting involved in the youth group at our church, so I’m getting to know a few of the girls that way. So far so good!
Thanks for asking.
AG’s last blog post..Someone Wants a Puppy…
April 4th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Oh, I didn’t know these same girls were in your youth group. Good step!
April 4th, 2008 at 1:24 pm Subscribed to Comments
Yeah, we had a good time last week. I’m getting some of those relationships built up, mostly with one girl. I’m her “sister” now.
AG’s last blog post..Someone Wants a Puppy…
April 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Does that mean your husband is her brother?
April 4th, 2008 at 4:06 pm Subscribed to Comments
No. That 16 yr old boy is our honorary brother.
AG’s last blog post..Someone Wants a Puppy…