Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

There’s a special breed of man out there, a man that is unlike any other.  He won’t be swayed by watching hours of sports, or wooed with the latest hot rod. He likes to spend most of his time away from the beach, under the glow of an artificial sun.

You love him, but you can’t understand why he’s drawn to the clicking of keys, the fluid motion of the mouse or the whirr of the DVD-ROM drive. And so, I’ve prepared a list of 101 ways that you can show love to the geek in your life:

1. Don’t sneak up behind him when he’s in the middle of a game.

Tactical operations to defeat the enemy and claim the outpost take a lot of concentration. No, he can’t be bothered with the fact that the youngest child has fallen down the stairs, that someone just flushed his favorite baseball card or that the house is on fire. He’s got those headphones on for a reason, and he’s really Ignatius Bizarro right now, not your husband. If he doesn’t release the drone at just the right time, civilization as we know it could end.

2. Understand his need for new equipment.

It’s a conspiracy. You have a computer that works fine. It does your e-mail, it surfs the next, and it lets you do IM. But that’s not enough for your geek. Powerful forces are aligned to make sure that when he wants to play his favorite game he has to get new equipment. And this equipment always costs money. He will not have a good reason to justify the expense (he’ll use some lame excuse about being able to develop applications or websites faster, but we all know it’s for the games).

3. Install full spectrum bulbs so he gets some Sun.

He’s much more at home behind his computer, and if he stays behind it too long the sun may become fatal to his bleached white skin. Make sure that wherever your computer is you install light bulbs that will protect his skin. He’ll thank you for it the next time you manage to pry him away from his desk and take him to the beach (under the pretenses that he has to try out the new Blackberry (see #2) that you got him with high speed wireless Internet).

4. Don’t get on the computer when he gets up to go to the bathroom.

We know that you secretly have been watching the computer all day, waiting for the opportunity to get online and check your e-mail because your mothertold you that your sister Martha’s second cousin twice removed sent you pictures of her dog’s new set of twins.  And even though he may be spending his time creating scent combinations that you didn’t know were possible, and it may take a full 10 minutes… You’d better make sure to cover your tracks!  Make sure you open a new window in the web browser, don’t take over his session (and you better hope the browser doesn’t crash!). He had just the right tabs on his browser and if he catches the hint of your perfume, there will be trouble in River City.

5. Don’t eat over the keyboard or have an open container near the computer.

We all know the stories too well.  “I just was having a snack and I reached for the mouse…”  Famous last words.  There’s nothing that going to bring a tear to his eye as much as hearing that soda was spilled into his keyboard or computer… unless that means that he’ll be able to get new equipment (see #2). Yes, if you had the audacity to eat near his box, you’d better be ready to cough up the extra money to get him the machine that he’s had his eye on or you’re likely to have a sulking blob of mush on your hands.  To him, the computer is like family…  Yes, that’s why he leaves the little yellow light on the monitor on all night.

So, there you have it: 101 ways to… wait, you didn’t get it? And you have a geek guy? Well, go ahead and ask him what makes this post so funny. He’ll get it.

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