 | Dating, Encouragment, Engagement, Husbands, Relationship Builder, WivesPurity is More About the Heart than the BodyPosted Friday, February 29th, 2008 and visited 2602 times, 3 so far today by AG |
At 13 years old, I went through a True Love Waits class and wore a purity ring. I decided to save my first kiss until marriage. I was made fun of many times for that decision. My friends would ask me, “But what if you marry a guy and he turns out to be a bad kisser?” I’ve also heard people say that you don’t buy a car without test-driving it first, so why would you get married without a little test-run? “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Matthew 5:8, 10-12. Because of my stand for purity, I was able to witness to the people I went to school with and I will be rewarded for my perseverance. G. K. Chesterton was a great Christian who said, “Jesus promised his disciples three things: that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in constant trouble.”
When I was 17 I started dating a great guy. He was a good, Christian guy and he treated me really great, but I got bored with him. He gave me his heart and I didn’t respect that, so I started getting involved with my best friend’s boyfriend. I didn’t kiss him and we didn’t have sex, but because I gave my heart to him I was lying to my best friend, my boyfriend, my parents, myself, and I tried to lie to God. Finally, I broke up with my boyfriend so I could be with this other guy. We were horrible for each other. I was taking college classes in the evenings and I actually failed them because I’d ditch class to spend time with him. What a stupid decision!
While we were dating, a friend and I went to Teen Mania Ministry’s Acquire the Fire. That year’s theme was “Crush the Crush.” They challenged us to take a year off from dating to focus on school and our walk with God. My friend made that commitment and asked me to be her accountability partner, but I didn’t think it’d be fair to break up with my boyfriend like that so I didn’t make that commitment. My friend and I were talking a few months later and I just got this feeling that my boyfriend was going to break up with me. I told her that if he did, I’d join her on a year off from dating. Not even a half hour later, he called and broke up with me. So, I started taking a year off from dating.
I was still just as foolish as before. Even though I didn’t “date” any boys, I still flirted with boys. I was even someone’s secret admirer! I wasn’t focusing on God too well. I got bored one day while I was online, so I signed up for an account on a personals site. I told myself that I just wanted some people to talk to. I made sure my bio said that I’d only talk to Christians, I was in the middle of a year off from dating, and I wouldn’t kiss anybody until I was their wife. Still, I talked to a bunch of attractive men and almost dated one.
He was a student at the Air Force Academy, a Christian, and would have made a great husband. We were thinking and praying about dating once my year was over. God told me no, but I didn’t listen to Him. I wanted this man worse than I wanted to listen to God, so, even though he was a great man, he was too important to me and he had to go. Finally, I gave that desire up to God. In the past, God had to slam every door in my face and I would stand there, longing for what was on the other side. Finally, I’d give up and move on. If I had done that, I would have missed the best thing God had in store for me. Instead, God asked me to trust Him and, when I did, he took the desire away instead of shutting the door. I was able to move on without looking back. The great thing is that I know I could have been happy with this guy. We could have had a good marriage, good children, and a good life together. But, with Daniel, I have a great marriage and a great life! I was ready to settle, but God had something much better!
When Daniel and I started thinking about dating, we decided to ask God to be the King of our love story. We even gave Him the right to take our relationship away if it was His will. Daniel was trying so hard to be the man of God I deserved and so he even asked my parents if he could have their permission to date me.
The consequences of Daniel’s actions caught up with us just as we thought we had the perfect love story: When Daniel was younger he didn’t know how important it was to save his body for marriage. There were some times he didn’t even get through a week without having sex. While we were dating, one of the girls he’d had sex with called him and told him that he gave her Chlamydia. She said it had to be him because he was the only guy she’d had sex with and not used a condom.
Daniel went to get tested and, praise God, the test came up negative. His doctor told him that condoms don’t do a think against STDs. Even though Daniel tested clean, we began thinking about STDs. Since HPV is the most common STD and there’s no test for men, the only way we’d know if he had it was if we got married and I tested positive! That really scared me. Daniel almost broke up with me because he couldn’t bear the thought of watching me die from a disease he gave me. Before we broke up, though, we gave it up to God again. He told us to stay together so we did. We work for a really big God and even if Daniel had an STD, God has my best interest at heart. He may protect me from getting it or allow me to get it in order to reach people better.
Daniel proposed to me and we got married. My first kiss was as the pastor said, “You may kiss the bride.” What a kiss that was! People were afraid that I’d make a fool of myself on my wedding day if I didn’t know how to kiss, but we had an awesome kiss because we waited! People also said that sex would be weird because I wouldn’t know how to do it on my wedding night. They were wrong! Sex isn’t about having the right moves or impressing your partner. It’s about trusting them and being close to them, which we were.
One thing that really helped me stay pure was the knowledge that God is my lover. Even now, Daniel isn’t the perfect lover. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we get lonely while the other one’s gone, but God is always there and will always love me. Even if God wanted to take Daniel away from me, I could still survive because I have the love of the greatest groom I could ever want: Jesus!
The lesson I learned in all of this is that to live out what God has planned for you, you must first give your heart, body, mind, and emotions to Him. When they are truly His, then He has the freedom to give your heart to whoever He wishes.
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February 29th, 2008 at 7:17 am
AG thanks for posting such an honest account of your life! It’s so great when we can share our experiences with each other in this way! You have such a great testament to staying pure until marriage, something we definitely need nowadays!
February 29th, 2008 at 8:45 am Subscribed to Comments
Thanks. The interesting thing about my testimony is that although I was physically pure, my heart was anything but. It wasn’t until I learned how to be emotionally faithful to my Lord and to whoever I was in a relationship with that God brought my husband to me.
AG’s last blog post..Growing Pains
February 29th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Wow, a great testimony and a great challenge. You’re right, AG, it’s one thing to remain physically pure, but a whole other ball game to be emotionally pure as well.
When you’re simply being physically pure, you have on your side the fact that you’ve never done it, so you don’t know what you’re missing. When you’re emotionally pure you don’t have this, because of both curiosity and biology.
So, good show staying pure, and thanks for the reminder that it’s more than just the physical.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:47 am
AG, this is a beautiful story of trusting God. I pray that your testimony will help other young men and women remain emotionally pure as well as physically pure.
God bless you both!
Claudia’s last blog post..How Your Husband’s Childhood Impacts Your Marriage
February 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am Subscribed to Comments
Thanks, everyone. It’s a scary thing to be this raw and honest and I thank you for your warm reception and kind words.
Claudia, God has already used my husband and I to minister to several hundred youth! Only through Him can something so amazing happen!
One time, after we spoke at a purity rally, hubby and I made ourselves available for prayer, but stood a little ways apart so kids could talk to just one of us. I prayed with a 12 or 13 year old girl who loved her boyfriend and wanted to make him happy, but wasn’t ready to give herself to him. She asked for prayer for strength to stay pure. Turns out, hubby was busy praying with her boyfriend at the same time for the same thing: He thought she wanted more and he wanted to make her happy, but wasn’t ready to give himself to her. I sure hope they figured out that neither of them wanted to!
AG’s last blog post..Growing Pains
February 29th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
It’s amazing the external pressure that exists on teens today– even if the pressure is non-existent. I know that I saw some of the surveys that came by, and I know that there was pressure to exaggerate what you had or had not done– and people bragging about lying on the survey.
It seems that part of the battle is making sure that people know that you can be abstinent, it does work, and it’s not that odd. And this is exactly the opposite message it seems that peers, media and even parents seem to be sending their kids.
Thanks for your stand, and you do have a great testimony.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:48 pm Subscribed to Comments
You’re very right. When I speak to teens, I try to always tell them that whatever they hear in the means of “locker room talk” is usually bluffing. Odds are, their peers don’t know any more than they do, but just are making things up as they go. Most kids have never considered that people would lie about stuff like that.
AG’s last blog post..Growing Pains
February 29th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
And then, this kind of talk feeds expectations, so that when a couple does have sex, they wonder if they’re missing something, or they lie and inflate it. And it leaves people feeling hollow, or feeling ripped off. It’s amazing what we’ve let the culture do to us and to our children in the name of equality and freedom. We’ve robbed them of true joy and the best that can be in exchange for a temporary hit.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
AG, amazing story, bless you for sharing it here so candidly.
Mary’s last blog post..My Full House
March 1st, 2008 at 2:16 am Subscribed to Comments
Min, I never thought about the post-wedding consequences of kids bragging in the locker room. Wow.
Mary, thanks so much. I’m glad it could bless you.
AG’s last blog post..The Jealous Lover
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:54 am
Post-wedding or otherwise. I mean, what other reasons explain why girls will give sexual favors to guys for attention? What gets the person that originally wants to stay pure to not only start, but to keep having sex?
There’s a lot of misconception out there that feeds on itself. A lot of teens are boasting about one thing on the outside while feeling empty on the inside. They’re just too afraid to say that they aren’t finding it enjoyable, they’d rather not do it, and that they’d much rather not have sex.
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:06 am Subscribed to Comments
That they’re not enjoying it is another good point. Many of my friends who have made bad decisions as far as purity say they don’t enjoy sexual activity at all – even after they’ve been married.
AG’s last blog post..The Jealous Lover
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:37 pm Subscribed to Comments
Thanks for the encouraging story :)