Wives

See the Love in the Everyday

Posted Thursday, February 14th, 2008 and visited 223 times, 2 so far today
by Leslie

Thank you for visiting Weekend Kindness-- the blog that helps you build positive relationships! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed so that you don't miss a single post from one of our great authors!

Gary Chapman has made millions from the sales of his book The Five Love Languages. Thousands of couples appreciate what he has to say about the different ways we demonstrate to and receive love from our spouses. Just in case you don’t remember, he writes that the five love languages are receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.

Much of what Chapman writes is good and helpful, however, I am afraid that his five love languages are backfiring on us. The idea that we have one or two languages with which we can demonstrate and understand love is too narrow, in my opinion. Far too many couples use “You’re not speaking my language,” as an excuse to discount their spouse’s efforts to show love. The ways and means by which we can demonstrate love and affection are only limited by our own imagination, creativity, and how well we have gotten to know our significant other. Likewise, the ways we can receive love from others is only limited by our own hearts and minds.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not advocating throwing out the baby with the bathwater when it comes to Chapman’s languages of love. What I am advocating is opening ourselves up to more and greater expressions of love. I am proposing that we move on to maturity so that our eyes are opened to more expressions of love than those things that we consider especially romantic or thoughtful. I believe that if we do this, we will see and feel more love in our marriages.

But isn’t today Valentine’s Day? I ought to be relaying the most thoughtful, romantic expression of love my husband ever expressed. Yes, but we all know why today is Valentine’s Day, right? It’s completely arbitrary, made up by greeting card companies, and makes far more people unhappy than it does happy.

My husband has gone out of his way to make me feel loved on special occasions. I remember all of them. They all have their special place in the photo albums of our life together. It is the other times, the everyday of life, the occasions that do not get their special place in the album, the beautiful, sacrificial expressions of his love to me that mean the most.

Like that day last week when he saw how tired I was. I saw his special care and concern for me by telling me to get some rest and time for myself, and that he would take care of everything concerning our children and home. I see it when takes our garbage cans down to the street twice a week. I see it when he demonstrates his love by working hard and managing our finances so that we can have what we need and a few things we want. I see his love when he prepares dinner for us at least once a week. I see his love when he really listens to me. I see his love when he joins me in something that I like to do even if he doesn’t necessarily enjoy it. I can see his love for me when he brings home a little gift (even if it’s just a bottle of Dr. Pepper)…just because it made him think of me. I can see his love when he puts his laundry in the hamper because he knows I hate it piled in the hallway. I can see his love for me when he gathers our family for Bible reading and prayer. I can see his love when he shows interest in my writing. I can see it in the special way he kisses me goodnight. I can see his love every evening when he holds my hand as we drift off to sleep. I see his love for me in the everyday actions that keep us going.

If he ever stopped doing all the everyday things, and only gave me flowers and cards on Valentine’s Day, then I would begin to wonder about the sincerity and depth of his love.

Likewise, when I cease to see those activities as great expressions of love, then I will be blinded by my desire to always have the romance and roses.

If we have eyes to see, then we don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day.


I am a happily married, homeschooling mother of four children. My husband and I are working on our tenth year of marriage. Some things I enjoy? Reading, writing, teaching, and running.
Visit This Author's Website

Tags

Tags for this article:

[?]
Love Means Doing The Thing You Don’t Want to Do
I Cried for Hours

Related Posts



4 Responses to “See the Love in the Everyday”

  1. MyAvatars 0.2 Mary Says:
    February 14th, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    Leslie, these thoughts echo my own. My hubby doesn’t usually make a big deal over holidays, including V-day, but he’s there for me in the everyday things, I’d never doubt his love. It seems very frilly to have it all based on what “gifts” he gave me to express his love.  And it’s funny that you mentioned the 5 love languages, my dh’s has never been gift giving. For one thing, he honestly does not enjoy receiving gifts (I know, hard to believe!)…he doesn’t like to be in the limelight, so that helped me immensely in our first years to understand why he never made a big deal of birthdays, etc. It’s a perfect balance for me, because I tend to go way overboard on any excuse for making a day special. :O)Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Mary’s last blog post..Happy Valentine’s Day

  2. MyAvatars 0.2 MInTheGap Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 12:03 am

    Do I sense a theme here around Dr. Pepper?

    Seriously, you’re right, Leslie, it’s in the day to day things that we truly show our love for one another.  If we aren’t living our love and we’re just saying our love– or showing up on special occasions– we have an empty love.

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  3. MyAvatars 0.2 Colleen Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 7:26 am

    I really enjoyed this book when I first read and have found myself going back to review it from time to time.  Having said that I’d hate for couple or people to place themselves in to a box with the language and not stretch themselves and grow.  And I think that the languages can change, I don’t have any solid research on it, but I know for myself the past 5 years I’ve seen a change in the way that I love.  Great post, Happy Valentine’s Day.

  4. MyAvatars 0.2 Claudia Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Very true on all points. We each might have a primary and maybe a secondary love language, but love in any language is always welcome.
    I asked my husband his feelings about Valentine’s Day after reading lots of other people’s feelings about the day, and his reply, true to form, was “It just gives me another day to show my love to my sweetheart.” Ah, you gotta love that answer.

    Claudia’s last blog post..The Ultimate Definition of Love

Trackbacks