 | Husbands, WivesA Quiet MomentPosted Monday, February 11th, 2008 and visited 615 times, 1 so far today by MamaArcher |
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When my husband and I were newlyweds there were things that we just did not understand. We often poked fun at those old couples who wore the same shirts whenever they went out. We have since learned that when you have been married for several years you begin to think alike more than you realize.
There have been several days when I would emerge dressed only to find my hubby already wearing the same t-shirt or the same color shirt! It actually bothers me enough that I go and change. We never plan to wear the same thing, there are just days when it happens. I find it a bit frustrating but mostly humorous.
Just like dressing alike there was another thing we have always tended to notice and say it was never going to happen to us because it is such a sad and horrible thing! Have you seen the older couples in the restaurants who sit and eat their dinner and have no more than two words to say to each other? We all have seen them. Most of us probably, if honest, would say that we feel sorry for them. This is never going to happen to us!
Our older children are at an age where they can babysit the younger children. This has been a great blessing for us. Last week my husband and I took the opportunity to go on a date so we could have some time together before my hubby went back to work after almost 6 weeks of leave. It was also a good break because we had some little ones who were not feeling well, who needed care that week and I had been ill also. As we sat in Chili’s Restaurant waiting for our food I began to feel like something horrible had happened. Here I was, out with my husband and we were not talking! Had we turned into a sour, old couple who had nothing left to say to one another?!
At the exact moment I was about to say something, anything, just to keep from admitting that had happened; my husband spoke. His words gave a whole new light and perspective to the situation. He said, “You remember how we used to feel bad for those quiet couples who never talked. Well, you know it is nice to know that it is ok to just sit here and enjoy being with you.”
I had never thought of our silence as being a good thing. I saw it as a sign of something bad on the horizon. I now realize that it is ok to enjoy the quiet company of your spouse as much as the talkative times. It is good just to be with someone who loves you. Especially when you are a bit tired and feeling a little drained. Allowing your spouse to know that it is ok and that you enjoy even their quiet company can be a strong statement of your love for them.
We shared a quiet meal and mentioned all of the younger couples. (NOTE: we are not old..35 and39) We chuckled with each other as we imagined what they were thinking of us as we sat there obviously tired, with sporadic conversation, enjoying a few quiet moments without all of the activity of the children. I will not look at a quiet couple the same way again. I will choose to believe that they are simply enjoying the quiet company of one they love.
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February 12th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Isn’t it great when you come to a point when enjoying each other’s company without saying anything can speak volumes of love?
Claudia’s last blog post..Not All Guys are Jerks, but Something for Valentine’s Day Would be Nice
February 13th, 2008 at 10:32 am
It’s funny how your perspective changes over time. We were noting how different we are being parents of 3 than we were when we had only one. It seems that there are different things you cherish at different times. The important thing is to make the most of the time you’re given.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:52 am Subscribed to Comments
Our relationships are designed by God to encourage, uplift, and bless us and those around us, right? So, if what we’re really needing is some low-key time to rejuvinate, then maybe some quiet time alone with our spouse is exactly what the doctor ordered.
AG’s last blog post..The Mercy Seat
February 27th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Just what doctor was this– I think I need to switch!
Totally true, AG. There are times where we need some time alone and there are some times where we need to be others focused. The important thing is to make time for both.
February 27th, 2008 at 3:27 pm Subscribed to Comments
I’ll try to find his number. ::shuffles through papers to try to find doctor’s number:: Sorry. No go.
I’d say even when we’re alone with our spouse, we should still be others-focused. That time alone should be about blessing and encouraging them.
AG’s last blog post..The Truth About Porn
February 27th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
True– Prilio (the book that I’ve been reviewing for some time) says that our spouse is our closest neighbor, so we’re always about doing something for someone else.
February 27th, 2008 at 4:05 pm Subscribed to Comments
Yes, but just becuase they’re our neighbor and we love to love on them doesn’t mean we love on them well. I really need to work on blessing my husband because the things I consider blessings he doesn’t.
AG’s last blog post..The Truth About Porn
February 27th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Now those are some wise words there, AG. I think that we don’t really know our spouses the way that we should, nor do we really understand their value system compared to our own. Great thoughts there.
February 27th, 2008 at 4:38 pm Subscribed to Comments
Thanks. It’s wisdom I’ve gleaned from experience, though. Sometimes, I wish I had more wisdom from other peoples’ experiences so I could avoid some of these situations myself.
I think it’s vital for every couple to sit down with a pen and paper and hash out what things bless each other and brainstorm on ways to be blessings.
AG’s last blog post..The Truth About Porn
February 28th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
That, and the flip side. There are often things in our lives that our spouse doesn’t like and that they may simply endure, and if that doesn’t come out into the open it’s hard to figure out a way to either stop doing that annoying thing, or to find a way for your spouse to enjoy it as well.
February 28th, 2008 at 2:52 pm Subscribed to Comments
So true. It’s hard for hubby to open up to me about what things annoy him ’cause he feels like I don’t change. I really want to sit down with him and intellectually figure out ways to bring about that change. I’m very visual, so I can fathom making those changes better if I can see them on paper.
AG’s last blog post..Growing Pains
February 28th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
I think that part of the problem is that people actually come into relationships (marriages in particular) expecting that they can either change their partner or that their partner wants to change. And yet there are some things that make a person what they are. They have certain likes and dislikes as a rule, and they may not want to change.
Now, it’s a necessity, on some level, to find things that you can do together. The Mom’s Needs Dad’s Needs book actually talked about finding activities that both like to do together instead of each doing things with other people.
I think that it’s good to have things that are your interest, but it’s more important to fuel those common interests.
February 28th, 2008 at 3:48 pm Subscribed to Comments
Good point. My parents almost divorced before they met Jesus because they were out with all their own friends each night instead of spending time together. It’s hard to trust someone when you have no together time.
AG’s last blog post..Growing Pains
February 28th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
You can’t live separate lives under the same roof for long. That’s yet another reason that I think that cohabiting is just asking for breakups. In any case, you need to have friends, but it’s better if you and your spouse are out doing things together with people that just you as a single.
However, having young children and doing this can be quite the challenge. It’s almost like you need more planning…