Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

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Want to build a better relationship with your children, regardless of their age?  Here are 5 things that, if you start them today, you’ll see your relationship improve:

1. Be the kind of person you want your child to become.

If you go back through my childhood memory book, you’ll find a blank at the bottom of every grade that you’re supposed to fill in with what you want to be when you grow up. If you were to look at all of those blanks you would see that they are filled with exactly what I am now– and what my father was growing up.

Your children are impacted by who you are, what you do, and how you treat others. That’s why it’s important to think about who you are through the prism of what they will become. What you do today with them can inspire them or cause them to rebel.

2. Be consistent.

One of the things that I’ve learned as a parent is my inconsistency. And it’s not surprising as it’s probably one of the things that I would have told you was the problem with my parents growing up. You know the drill– the rules always seem to change, the punishment is never the same, and the neighbor kid always gets away with being bad.

Truth is, it’s hard to be consistent– it takes work. It means that you either need to give fewer instructions, or you need some way of keeping track of your instructions. There’s comfort for your child and you when you know what is expected and you keep to it.

3. Tell the truth.

Nothing says “I don’t trust you” than not telling someone the truth. This goes for our kids as well. Kids know when they’re being lied to, and if we’re lazy with giving reasons for why we’re doing what we’re doing we’re doing them a disservice.

I read a Parenting Magazine article which made the argument that sometimes it is all right to lie to your kids– I disagree. I don’t think it’s ever right to lie, period. Telling the truth, no matter how difficult it might be, means that your kids can trust what you say. If they can trust you, then you’ll be building a bond with your kids so that they will not want to lie to you about what they are doing when you ask.

4. Admit your mistakes.

This is a tough one. No one likes to be wrong, and no one likes others to see their weaknesses. And yet this “false face” that we wear does our family a disservice in a couple of ways. First, it promotes hypocrisy in our household. You know you fail, they know you fail, and yet you pretend you don’t. This breeds hypocrisy in your children as well as arrogance.

Second, it does not teach your children how to handle their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. We live in an age where people expect all the privilege and none of the responsibility. The key to changing this is to model what to do when things go wrong– not just when they go right.

5. Let them talk.

This one may be the hardest of all. From the time that they are a small baby we have gotten used to saying things for them. We help them complete sentences, we explain to our spouse what went on in their day, and we fill in the blanks when they can’t figure out how to say what their thinking. And then we talk over and around them because we feel that their conversation is too simplistic.

By doing this we’re teaching our kids two things– that our “adult” conversation is more important than what they have to say and that their peers are the only ones that will listen to them. We need to make sure that we let them talk with us (don’t just let them talk and not interact!) and that we teach them about how to be polite, and how to express themselves. It’s worth the investment.

Any other tips that you have and want to share?

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