 | ParentsParenting LinksPosted Saturday, October 20th, 2007 and visited 307 times, 2 so far today by MInTheGap |
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It’s that time again– time for some more links on a relationship topic. This week we’re going to focus on parenting.
In this article, Leslie Leyland Fields takes to task something that a lot of us who have more than the standard 2.5 children have heard– that we are breeders, that we have too many children, and that children are a burden. The thing is, children are a blessing.
The question—What are children for?—may be best answered personally, as it is lived out in my own family, not anyone else’s. I must begin with an essential piece of information: Most families are larger than intended. The National Institutes of Health says that 60 percent of pregnancies in the U.S. are “mistimed, unplanned, or unwanted altogether.” It was not my plan to have six children—it was God’s. Though the last pregnancies were difficult, life was the only possible choice. What else could I say but, like Mary, Yes, I am your servant.
Package deal - friendships with families of like-mind
In this post, Sheri Prescott tackles a tough issue– what if the people around you don’t hold their children to the same standards?
I shared with her a dilemma I was facing a while ago with a certain family; the sweet wife being a friend of mine. The problem with our friendship was that I totally disagreed with how she was raising her children: child-centered, no discipline, constant whining, complaining, and very selfish, spoiled attitudes. This friend wanted to get together for play-dates and family events, but I prayerfully decided to distance myself from her, simply because I didn’t want Savannah and Alisa to pick up the incredibly bad habits and attitudes of her youngsters… Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too picky, but my mom assured me that regarding the topic of “association” or who our children spend time with, it’s important to be “picky” if you will. My wise mother also reminded me that when you become a parent, your friendships are a package deal. You simply can’t spend time with families, even if you enjoy the parents, who have children that are negative influences on your children.
This is a piece of wisdom my grandfather also gave me before he passed away. He told me that he was very careful about who his son (my dad) became friends with. He knew my dad’s friend’s parents. He carefully discouraged friendships that would take my dad down a wrong path. As parents, we have to evaluate who are children have as friends because friends do have an impact on our kids!
This post from an e-mail encourages us to be good parents– even to our own parents. When the time comes that we have to care for our parents, how will we do it? Will we do it in a way that we want to be treated, or will we consider it a waste of time?
That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
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October 20th, 2007 at 5:27 pm Subscribed to Comments
I do think the idea of friends being a “package deal” to be an *important* one, but I am honestly left with a bad taste in my mouth about the idea of cutting friends loose and not saying a word about why. This is not to say that this author did just that, but ending a friendship and never saying a word about the problem is not at all loving, and could even be called cruel in some instances. Being honest in a loving, Christ-like fashion may not always be easy, especially about topics such as parenting & other “sticky” issues, but leaving such things unsaid is not too much better than directly lying, IMO. Better to be stung by the lips of a friend than kissed by an enemy. Yes, the people who are spoken to may have their pride hurt or be “offended”, but with much prayer and continued love, they may be led to see the flaws of their ways and address the issues in their life.
I know if I were the person who was raising my children incorrectly or sinning in some other way, I do honestly hope that a sibling in Christ, but especially someone who considers themselves my “friend” would have the compassion and kindness to steer me in the right direction. Especially as I am very new to this whole motherhood thing! :o) In a world where “friends” will tell “white lies” about your looking great in the “fat dress,” I do not know how many people would have such true love and bravery, though. :o(
October 22nd, 2007 at 2:07 pm
I guess that for me, I have to ask myself how long I’ve been friends with the person and where is it headed.
Where I totally agree with you Mrs. Brigham that you should say what the problem is or the reason that you think that you may not be able to associate with them any more, there are some families that believe that they’re doing find and won’t see what you have to say regardless of the way that you approach it.
And then there’s the case of families that want to change, but what do you do during the turmoil?
In either case, better to model Christlike behavior regardless of the choice.