Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

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Here’s the question asked to Dear Margo:

DEAR MARGO: I work in a male-dominated field and am therefore around lots of men every day. Not until I went to see this physician did I feel what I guess people call chemistry. My husband is an absolutely wonderful man and father. He is supportive, funny, successful and loving. However, I am wildly attracted to this other man.

I made up two reasons to have sham appointments. For the last one I dressed as sexy as I could on a workday, and flirted as best I could without seeming too forward. He was friendly but did not initiate anything.

Then, I saw the physician in the grocery store, and he made it a point to smile at me but not speak. My husband and child were with me.

At any rate, I have a follow-up appointment in about one month. Should I be forward with him? (And if so, how?) I do not want to lose my husband, but I am interested in this other man.

— JENNIFER

Margo went into the details of being a doctor’s wife and how her infatuation with this doctor is probably just a case of fantasy and position.  She didn’t recommend it, but didn’t condemn it.

If Jennifer had asked me, however, my answer would have been different:

JENNIFER,

You obviously care for your husband and child and obviously you’ve spent more time with them than you have with this doctor.  Since you pledged your love to your husband, and you obviously desire not to lose either him or your child, I suggest that you find another doctor.  Preferably a female doctor.

That way, you won’t be tempted by this one to lose everything you and your husband have worked to build and you will continue to be a positive influence on your child.  You see, your child is watching you and will believe that you are a good role model of what a wife should be.  Do you want your child to think it’s right to desire and flirt with people they are not married with?

You have little to gain and a lot to lose by trying to pursue an affair with this man.

I would also suggest that you arrange to have more time to spend together with your husband, doing things that both of you enjoy.  I believe that if you spend more time investing in your current relationship that you will find the “chemistry” that you seem to have with this doctor.

– MInTheGap

So, there you have it– stick with your relationship.  Work on it, and make it work.  It’s best all the way around.

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