Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

Now I’m not talking about giving someone a piece of your mind, although I am willing to bet that is probably what popped into your mind when you read the title. As Pastor Dwight Williams said, “People often want to give others a piece of their mind. A lot of us have given away too many pieces already and need to keep what we have left!”

I’m talking about expressing your appreciation. No one can read your mind. Your friends can’t, your children can’t, and you already know your spouse can’t! *smile* I know that we are often more eager to let someone know when something is bothering us, but if that is all we ever do, how will that person know how much we really appreciate what they do?

“Thank you for a delicious meal, Honey.”

“Thanks for taking out the garbage, Dear. I love that you take care of that chore for me.”

“You’re a great big sister. Thank you for watching out for your younger sisters.”

“Thank you for being such a good friend. I know that I can count on you, even when things are rough.”

Statements such as these don’t take too much effort on our part (I know some people have a hard time saying things like this), but they often pay big dividends in our relationships. After all, to build a good relationship, you should make several positive statements for each negative one.

Here’s to speaking our minds more freely – expressing to those around us our thankfulness and appreciation for the role they play in our lives.

We all do it. We all react when our needs aren?t being met, but what are we reacting to? Being a woman who found love later in life, I?ve gone through many cycles of friends getting married or having significant relationships. I?ve listened to many friends who?ve gone through the ?crazy cycle? time and time again. For the past several months, I?ve been musing through Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect. It?s an amazing book and I would recommend it to any new couple, engaged couple or husband and wife teams.

This book hit the nail on the head when it comes to continual conflict in your most precious, sacred relationships. I don?t want to give away the whole book but in case you don?t have time to pick it up to read it I?d like to review a few of the many points, giving credit to the doctor himself.

What is The Crazy Cycle?
?Craziness is when we keep doing the same thing ? again and again ? with the same ill effect. Marital craziness is when we do the same thing ? over and over ? with the same negative results. I call it the Crazy Cycle. When hurt and frustrated, we continue reacting in negative ways to motivate our spouse to be positive.? (taken from http://www.family.org/marriage/A000001383.cfm)

How do we stop the crazy cycle?
Dr. Eggerichs states, ?based on Ephesians 5:33, I discovered why a husband and wife react the way they do. We read, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV).

He continues saying that ?because a wife needs love, a husband would be wise to assume his wife’s negative reaction is rooted in her feeling unloved. On the other hand, because a husband needs respect, a wife would be prudent to assume her husband’s negative reaction is rooted in his feeling disrespected?
(taken from http://www.family.org/marriage/A000001384.cfm).

It was almost like a bell went off as I?ve been reading through Dr. Eggerichs?s book. SR and I have an amazing relationship and rarely get into ?the crazy cycle?. However, I know we?re young in our life-long, God-given relationship and I am so glad to have read this book so early on.

Some take-aways, your pride needs to take a back seat to your relationship and to the person you?ve committed your life to AND you need to be the change you desire. If you?re more concerned with being right or getting the last word you?ll continually stay in the crazy cycle; this may mean a softer tongue. I know it takes ?two to tango? but in order to thwart the crazy cycle you might need to first remove the log from your own eye.

It?s a great book; pick it up, check-it out but make sure to read it!

One of the neat things about kids is the things that they remember.  When I was a child I was an encyclopedia of my family’s birthdays and ages.  My kids are great at remembering Bible verses, but they’re also very good at remembering my wife’s favorite color.

You see, every time there’s an opportunity for them to color something, one of them invariably comes home with “Mom’s favorite color” and they’ve colored it that way to show their mom just how much they think of her.

You see, to them, they want to see the reaction of their mom and they want to show their love by doing something that they know that she will like– not that it’s necessarily one of their favorite colors.

So, the next time that you want to do something special– be it leave a message for your sweetheart or get him/her a card, pay attention to the color.  Chances are you’ll make it that much more special if you remember what their favorite color is!

Today’s Weekend Kindness mission should be a piece of cake– or I should say a piece of pie, or a jar of jam, hmm…

Buy favorite fruits that aren’t in season, like a basket of strawberries or blueberries.

This idea works on all sorts of levels.

• Fruits are a great source of natural sugar.
• Eating fresh fruit is better than drinking 100% fruit juice!
• Fruits taste great!

And then there’s the whole thing about doing something for the person you love that they will enjoy and will know that you’re thinking about them!

My wife and I were musing about the “Sunday Afternoon Drive” on our way to church yesterday morning.  You know, the kind that people used to take, where the whole phrase “Sunday Drivers” came from– where you’d go to a family’s house, or just go out to see what was out there?

I think that part of what has happened can be laid to blame on the invention of the telephone.  How many times do we think that we don’t need to go visit someone simply because we can pick up the phone and call them?

And we all know what happens after that… We then forget to call them because we got busy.  It didn’t used to be this way.  Ask your parents or grandparents.  My mom’s parents talk of things going both ways– either packing everyone into the car to go somewhere to someone’s house, or having everyone come over to their house– even those that might be passing by!– to have a meal and sit and talk.

I think that we’ve lost a lot of personal contact in our advances in technology.  We’ve gone from people that want to get together to people that want to stay in touch, but only when it’s convenient.

So, sit down with your family.  Figure out who is important in your life, and then make the time to see them in person.  I think that you’ll all be glad that you did.