Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

Thank you for visiting Weekend Kindness-- the blog that helps you build positive relationships! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed so that you don't miss a single post from one of our great authors!

The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

As we all know, one of the key ways that we can learn about and grow together with our spouse is to communicate with them.  To that end, Lou Priolo gives us 5 lessons to get us started along with this admonition:

Being  an effective communicator is not only a biblical responsibility, it’s also a skill that takes time to develop.  The more you practice the truths you’re about to learn (or review), the more proficient you’ll become in using them effectively.

So, let’s take a look at his rules:

LESSON ONE: You can’t fake it (if it’s not in there).

The important lesson that we are to learn here is that it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.  Simply put, if you’re heart is evil, that is what will come out of your mouth, but it your heart is pure, that will also come out.

You cannot expect to communicate love and to build one another up if, in your heart, you’re tearing the other down.  You cannot fake it.

The only way to have your heart truly cleansed is through the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit who indwells only those that have put their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

LESSON TWO: Your words aren’t enough!

First and foremost, the words that we use are the most important in regards to our conversation.  We all know that word choice can totally change what is said.  We had a President that wanted to redefine the word “is”.  We need to be careful that the words that we use accomplish the means of building up our wives, not tearing them down.  But using the right words is not enough.

Use the appropriate tone of voice

Priolo gives an amusing example:

[S]uppose your wife asks you, “Would you like some more meatloaf?”  Your “No thank you” could be interpreted in two very different ways, depending on the tone of your voice.

“No (that was so good I’ve already had three helpings), thank you (but, I couldn’t eat another bite),” you say with a pleasant inflection in your voice.  Or, you gruffly bark out, “No, thank you (I almost gagged forcing myself to swallow this slop)!”

For those of us with children, we’re all very aware of all the different negative emotions that they are able to convey while still responding with appropriate words.  We correct them for this, but then we turn around and use the same tone with our wives?  Where do you think the children get their examples?

Use the appropriate forms of non-verbal communication

Here are some of the areas of non-verbal communication

• Face: Does your face say that you’re angry?
• Eyes: Do you look her in the eyes when you’re talking with her, or do your eyes look somewhere else?
• Touch: Do you touch her while she’s talking with you?

LESSON THREE: You must learn how to control your anger.

You can control your temper.  Don’t believe me, reread it a few times while you think about the last time you were in the middle of a temper tantrum (yes, adults throw these too) and the phone rang.

Both ventilation and Internalization are not correct ways to handle anger.  Ventilation ends up exacerbating the problem, because how we feel is a product of what we think and do.  When we ventilate, we are rehearsing and amplifying our anger.  Internalization is just as bad– because we are internalizing our anger, poisoning our spirit, and we just discussed a lesson or so ago that we speak that which is in our heart.

It is our job as the husband to confront the problem.  We are commanded, as husbands, to be the initiator and spiritual leader.  The problem isn’t going to go away simply by ignoring it.  It’s either going to go into your/her heart or it’s going to blow up all over the place.

How to diffuse this?  Confront the problem, not the person.  Talk about what happened with the goal of restoration.  Pray about the situation before talking to her.

Above all, remember that your prayer life can be hindered by not having the appropriate relationship with your spouse.  God takes anger in a relationship as serious business.

Tags

Related Posts

• Protecting Self or Forging Deeper Relationships?
• Maintaining a Spirit of Unity
• 11 Un-Biblical Forms of Communication
• Pleased to Meet You; Can’t Wait to Start Conversing!
• 7 Things You May Not Do When She Sins Against You