Relationship Builder

A Little Less ‘No’

Posted Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 and visited 285 times, 1 so far today
by revka

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Here’s a simple idea for building relationships: say ‘yes’ as much as is realistically possible.

Sometimes I automatically say no to requests without even considering whether I might instead be able to say yes. I hadn’t realized just how much I do this until my friend Frank posted on this topic at his blog, The New Parent.  I started listening to myself and realized that I say ‘no’ or ‘not right now’ way too often.

“Read us a story, Mommy?”  “Can we go play outside?”  “Can I help you make that?” “Why don’t you come sit with me, Honey?”

Those are some of the questions that earned my negative response this past week.  Upon reflection, I have come to realize that my negative responses are often driven by selfish reasons:

  • Sometimes I am fully immersed in the task at hand and do not want to stop.
  • Sometimes I am too worried about the inevitable mess that will result from my girls’ “help.”
  • Sometimes I honestly feel like I have too much to do to assent to the request.

Those reasons may be valid, but they revolve around me.  I am determined to say ‘yes’ more often.  “Yes, I will read to you.”  “Yes, I think that going outside is a great idea.”  “Yes, you may help me make supper.”  “Yes, Honey, I would love to sit with you.”

Take note of your responses to requests this week.  Do you say ‘no’ more than you should?  Together, let’s work on being a little less selfish in our responses and make the time to say ‘yes’ to our loved ones’ requests instead.


A happily married mother to three girls, Revka enjoys the exchange of ideas found through the medium of blogging. Her blogs include The Porch Light, Rants, Raves, and Rejects, and RS Designs.
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2 Responses to “A Little Less ‘No’”

  1. MyAvatars 0.2 MInTheGap Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 3:47 pm

    Great topic, Revka. I’m sure that we all say “no” more than we should– or say it when we should be saying “yes”. And then there’s the converse, when we get ourselves over committed when we say “yes” when we should say “no”.

    Why is it easier to say “yes” when it’s others and “no” when it’s family?

  2. MyAvatars 0.2 Revka Says:
    September 6th, 2007 at 4:52 pm Subscribed to Comments

    Thanks, MIn. I’m so bad about this that I thought somebody else might be, too.

    You hit the nail on the head when you said that it’s easier to say ‘yes’ to others and ‘no’ to our own family. Speaking solely from my experience, the answer could lie in the old adage, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” Sad but true, I find myself not as concerned about my family’s reaction to my negative answer than a non-family-member’s reaction. I was chronically overloaded because of saying yes to others, but I have finally gotten into the habit of checking with Mr. Incredible before saying yes to outside commitments. I am finding that my stress level has decreased since I have given up commitments at Mr. Incredible’s prompting.

    Now if I can just remember to say ‘yes’ more often to my family’s requests!

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