Weekend Kindness
Reaching Others Through Kindness

The Complete Husband
By Lou Priolo

Guys, let’s face it.  There are some times that you wish she came with an owner’s manual.  Something that would tell you all kinds of things about her:

• Proper care and maintenance.
• How to read her emotional meters.
• Ways to make her run at optimal efficiency.
• What to do when something goes wrong.

The truth is, she does come with a manual, it just needs to be extracted and written down:

The reason that you’ve never seen it is because it’s tucked away in her heart.  Deep down in her heart is all the personal information you need to understand and nurture your wife according to the Bible.

But obviously, this means that you and I have to get it out of her.  You see, foundational to being able to minister to your wife means understanding her:

You husbands likewise, live with [your wives] in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Pet. 3:7)

According to this verse, we are responsible to draw out the “owners manual” to our wives– it is our responsibility.  In order to get to know our wives, we must reveal ourselves to one another.  That means that we have to put aside the 5 things that will hinder revelation:

1. Fear-  Fear of embarrassment or rejection.  We should not have this fear because we are to be helping one another.
2. Selfishness- Selfishness and fear go hand in hand.  When you’re afraid of what your wife might think about your revelation, you’re failing to love your wife, because perfect love casts out fear.
3. Pride- Pride blinds you to every other sin tucked away in the recesses of your heart and life.  It causes you to hate correction and reproof.
4. Laziness- You must invest considerable amounts of time, effort and thought.
5. Ignorance- We are commanded to understand our wives, God promises to give us the wisdom, the ability to change and the desire to change.

So, are you with me?  Are you ready to learn more about your wife and learn how to live with her and love her with all wisdom?

Here’s an assignment for all of you out there that bake:

Bake a giant cookie and write “I love you” with heart shaped redhots or frosting.

And here’s a Giant Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe to do just that:

1/2 c. white sugar
1/3 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. butter, softened
1 tsp. vanilla
1 egg
1 1/2 c. flour
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
6 oz. pkg. semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 c. chopped nuts, optional

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Mix sugars, butter, and vanilla. Beat in egg. Stir in flour, baking soda, and salt. Mix in chocolate chips and nuts. Grease pizza pan and spread dough in the pan. Bake until light brown, 12 to 14 minutes. Cool and cut. You can decorate if you wish. These are great for birthday parties, Father’s Day, etc.

Hello everyone~

I’m Jess, wife of one amazing man (for nearly seven years now), mom to three precious kiddos (two boys- 5 & 3, and one girl- 15 months), and we’re currently pregnant with our fourth. I write, opinionize, and philosophize over at Making Home, a blog about the Christian home, biblical womanhood, God-honoring sexuality, and relationships. I grew up in a solid Christian home, have a degree in Political Science, which is the field I worked in until we had our first child. So I love discussing politics too! :)

Min the Gap has invited me to be a regular contributor over here at Weekend Kindness, and I’m excited to have another venue to discuss biblical relationships and family. It is my passion to help Christian women discover biblical roles, to encourage fellow believers to study the Word, and to grow and learn in my understanding of the Christian life, sharing that with the people around me. So I look forward to doing that with the other contributors, and readers here at Weekend Kindness.

See you around & I’ll look forward to discussing all aspects of biblical relationships with you!

Jess

Karl and I are working on our tenth year of marriage, but we’ve known one another for fifteen years. We still love to spend time together alone, but sometimes it’s hard to find something different to talk about. There are the usual topics like the kids, school, and work, but those are a far cry from the topics discussed over our romantic dinners together 1999BK (Before Kids).

After building a home and family together, there just isn’t much left to our imaginations when it comes to knowing one another. There are no secrets, no real mysteries anymore. We can finish one another’s sentences and know what the other is thinking just by a look. We have enough history and “inside” lingo between us that we can carry on entire conversations with one another that no one else is able to comprehend. While this is very sweet in some respects, it doesn’t help when we don’t already have something to talk about.

Last weekend, my sweet man treated me to dinner at a very nice, family-owned Italian restaurant. As we sat opposite one another, we made small talk about the furnishings and the menu. After we placed our drink orders with the server, we stared at one another for a few moments before Karl asked, “What do you want to talk about?”

“All I know for certain is that I don’t want to talk about our children,” I replied.

After all, we had asked the in-laws to take the kids for a few hours so that we could have some time together without them. Why would I want to spend my first peaceful dinner of the week talking about them?

Karl asked my thoughts on a couple of co-worker related issues and then said, “OK. I have an idea for our dinner conversation…We can’t possibly know everything there is to know about one another, so let’s take turns sharing things that we think the other doesn’t already know. You go first.”

I had to think for a few seconds, but by the time we ordered our meal, I had thought of at least two things to share. We took turns sharing “new” details of our lives. It was so much fun we continued throughout our evening together.

Though I’ve known him for half of my life now, there are so many things I have yet to learn about this wonderful man I married. I thought I knew everything about him, but I was reminded that he has a history, dreams and desires, and hopes that I have yet to discover. Not only did I learn some things, he listened and discovered some new details about me. It is such a blessing to have a spouse who is still interested in getting to know me.

Being married to the same person for the rest of my life will be far from boring!

Spend some time this week getting to know your spouse a little better. You may be reminded of how much you really enjoy being together and how much you actually like one other. You’ll definitely be surprised by how much you have yet to discover.

That?s how the New Living Translation translates the word ?forbear? in Colossians 3:13: ?Make allowance for each other?s faults.? Other versions say ?forbearing?, or ?bearing with?. This idea of making allowance, however, caught my attention. It gives me a couple of pictures of how we?re to deal with difficult people.

First, I thought of the word ?allowance? like an underpass that goes under a bridge. It has a certain allowance for cars and trucks to go beneath it without getting hurt or ruined. We need to be the kinds of people that ?make allowance? for fellow believers that we disagree with, giving them room to make it through a tight spot without injury or embarrassment. Whether the one we?re frustrated with is our spouse, a person in church we don?t particularly care for, or someone who rubbed us the wrong way on a bad day, we need to give them room to be human, just as we are.

Second, ?allowance? gives someone an additional amount of grace or understanding, recognizing that they are at a disadvantage. If a third grader took the SAT, one would make allowance for his age and, rather than focusing on what he missed, would see the things he got right. This is the way we should see one another: as children of God, dearly loved, but desperately human, and living in a web of wickedness and sin. When someone frustrates us, our response ought not be to focus on that instance of wrong, but rather to be amazed at all the things that have gone right between us. When two humans can peacefully coexist, amidst sin, our flesh working within us, and the evil world in which live, it truly is an amazing thing. We need to consider the disadvantage we?re all at, and assess situations accordingly.

When someone wrongs us or frustrates us or ?gets under our skin?, the answer is forbearance. Forgiveness is for past faults and hurts, but forbearing (making allowance for) is for present faults and hurts. Let?s forbear one another- in our homes, in our churches, and even, yes, on the internet! :)

The culture at large is pushing a sexualized society.  They preach that teens will do it, no matter if you tell them or not.  They analogize the relationship to taking a test drive of a car– you have to make sure it’s really the one you want.

Here?s the problem with the car analogy: the car doesn?t have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it back at the used car lot and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the driver. It stinks if you picture yourself as the car.

Statistics show that those that cohabitate are less likely to stay married when they get married.  Why?  Partly because while cohabitating there’s a more even share of household duties, and when marriage enters the picture traditional gender roles return.

And partly because the couple has been practicing remaining detached:

Here is an analogy that works better than the taking the car for a test drive analogy. Suppose I ask you to give me a blank check, signed and ready to cash. All I have to do is fill in the amount. Most people would be unlikely to do this. You would be more likely to do it, if you snuck out and drained the money out of your account before you gave me the check. Or, you could give me the check and just be scared and worried about what I might do.

Think about it: What do you have in your checking account that is more valuable than what you give to a sexual partner? When people live together, and sleep together, without marriage, they put themselves in a position that is similar to the person being asked to give a blank check. They either hold back on their partner by not giving the full self in the sexual act and in their shared lives together. Or, they feel scared a lot of the time, wondering whether their partner will somehow take advantage of their vulnerability.

No one can simulate self-giving. Half a commitment is no commitment. Cohabiting couples are likely to have one foot out the door, throughout the relationship. The members of a cohabiting couple practice holding back on one another. They rehearse not trusting. The social scientists that gather the data do not have an easy way to measure this kind of dynamic inside the relationship.

So, if you’re dating, nurture your emotional and verbal relationship– stay out of cohabitation and sex.  It’s important that you save these intimate moments for the one that you can truly give your all to– without reservation.