 | Kindness On Display, Weekend KindnessWhat to Do When Someone DiesPosted Wednesday, May 30th, 2007 and visited 5933 times, 3 so far today by MInTheGap |
One of the most popular posts read on MInTheGap has to do with the question “What to say when someone dies“. I believe that this is because this is one of the most difficult times in anyone’s life, facing the loss of a loved one.
I was once seated on an airplane on the way back from college next to someone that was on their way home for a funeral. It was difficult for me to be of comfort because I believe that if someone dies without accepting Jesus Christ as Savior then the person is destined for eternal separation from God.
Regardless, it was difficult to know what to say because the loss to this woman was very real. The same loss that I felt (if different in quantity) when I lost my grandfather last year. You miss the person, what they did, who they were and there’s a hole that is not easily filled.
This past weekend, our neighbors lost their oldest male patriarch. It started with the ambulance and fire truck whizzing by (someone must have called 911). It was too late– we later found out that the man had died in his son’s arms.
We could have pretended not to see what had happened. But, spurned on by the sermon about being a Good Samaritan, and looking for ways to minister, my wife has offered and will be making a meal for them.
How about you? Do you have someone that you know that has recently lost a loved one? How about a widow or widower? Someone that may be missing someone in their lives within the past year?
Why not be a source of encouragement this week and send them a card, offer to make them a meal, schedule some time to sit down and talk, say a little prayer for them, or all of the above. We need to be there for those that lose loved ones– we need to give the comfort that we have received in our time of loss.
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January 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I have lost a child to miscarriage; my daddy to liver disease; my granddaddy to congestive heart failure; a high school friend to a car accident; another high school friend to AIDS which he contracted from a blood transfusion in the 80s; and, most recently, my father-in-law to prostate cancer.The most important thing to do for someone who’s lost a loved one is to be near them. The most comforting thing to say is, “I don’t know what to say.” Then be silent and ready for them to speak if they need to.I believe, when someone dies without Jesus, the focus must be on comforting the one that is left. We can no longer do anything for the one who is gone; it is difficult to have no way of comforting the grieving one with the assurance that their loved one is in a better place. But I believe that what we really must do is not try to say something that will make the grieving one feel better. There are no words, really, to make them feel better. Presence and kindness are the best comfort.
January 11th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Wow. I lost my grandfather to prostate cancer (or actually, to the results of it as he was on blood transfusions which stopped taking toward the end) and that was my first close experience with death. Thinking about what you said regarding “I don’t know what to say” makes sense to me. It allows for the feeling to come through– to reach out emotionally rather than having yet another comment.
A friend of mine (we met through blogging) just lost his grandfather this past week. He’s flying down for the funeral this weekend. Though they weren’t closed, he is unsaved, and that makes it more difficult. I don’t believe that they were close, so a large part of this is for his dad.
It really reminds you that we are not guaranteed days on this earth.
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:36 am
I lost my 15 year old brother over a year ago when I was 17. One of the worst experiences was the amount of people in our home and the amount of people I had to hug at his funeral. Grieving for me is a process that needs to happen with family…or alone. While it was nice that people brought over meals…we didn’t eat them. I didn’t really eat much that week…and when I did it was mostly fast food and soda…that’s just how I cope. carbohydrates. The best thing to do for someone who is grieving is offering to run errands. My mother refused to let me drive the day that my brother died to go pick up my boyfriend from work (I was slightly suicidal in the months before his death) and my boyfriend didn’t have a ride otherwise…thank god my best friend’s mother stepped in and drove me to pick him up. He was the one person I needed to comfort me.
March 11th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
I am sorry for every one who lost any one, it is very hard to lose someone who was part of your life, but what can we do! it is the life..
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March 22nd, 2010 at 6:42 am
I lost my mother in November 2009 when I was away on a study grant in Costa Rica. It was the most difficult time in my life and until now i still feel an empty hole in my chest when i think of her.
I met a chef who became my close friend including his mom. They opened the doors of their home for me to just crash when I wasn’t sleeping well and I was fed healthily when I didn’t feel like eating. He listened quietly when i cried and laughed with me when I remembered funny times with my mom. He talked me through a lot of the things i was confused with and I ended up refocusing on studies and learning a lot more about life and on keeping my emotions in check. His mere presence wasn’t just comforting for there were times I would argue with him and in the process I find myself and I feel I have grown to be more of myself despite the loss.
Today, I still feel the sadness and I do embrace the moment and be still or cry over my loss… but after the moment passes I feel better and life goes on. My mom wouldn’t want me to be sad forever… she would want me to do better things with my time. If not for my friend… I would have totally lost my mind and I wouldn’t be making a difference today in the lives of people around me.
I thank him for simply being there with out complications when my life seemed to be a total mess. =)
May 14th, 2010 at 7:32 pm Subscribed to Comments
Just PLEASE don’t say…they are in a better place..that is one of the worst things you can say. Also, everything happens for a reason. That is almost tied with the number one thing NOT to say to someone who has lost a loved one.